A short advert for parental education

Education and upbringing just isn't what it used to be. People don't have respect for one another, don't seem to care about the community spirit of past generations. The solidarity of the social states has given way to materialism, selfishness and decadence. Although most remain good mannered people at heart, there is a tendency towards the attitude that it's not worth being too helpful, because you're sure you wouldn't get it back.

There are several layers of this social inertia - on one hand whilst some smile or say hello to you, half of the time you don't receive a greeting back. On another hand this is minor compared to the following, which is my pet hate and, I honestly believe, the root of our social ills today:

MP3 players on public transport. I hate them. I despise everything about people who feel the need to let the rest of the bus hear the "music" these individuals need to listen to in order to feel like they're still at the weekend's party and looking forward to the next one. I feel nothing but contempt for those who destroy the peace. I can't concentrate on reading my book when I hear these noise machines blasting out their satanic messages. Can't these people find something else to do? Read a book, for example. Although by the look of them I'm not sure they have a concentration span long enough to manage. But we can tie other anti-social, or even aggressive, acts in with this: feet on the opposite seat, talking loudly on the mobile phone, putting bags on the seat beside, talking loudly to others, refusing to get up for an old person or pregnant woman, spitting chewing gum on the floor, etc. If you do one of these things, you'll probably do the others.

And why? It came to my attention on the number 44 tram the other day - a woman of about 30 was occupying a four-seat section with her 9 or 10-year-old child next to her. The tram was quite empty to begin with but the amount of passengers built up gradually. Nothing unusual yet. Until you note that she allowed her daughter to put her feet on the chair opposite her and she kept her handbag on the seat next to her, thus occupying three of the four seats. If the parents don't say anything, the children think it's OK to carry on doing these things.

Another time I witnessed a family of four out for lunch - but that quickly became three when the youngest, no older than 6, got up to run off his half-eaten sausage and chips. The mother called the child back to finish off his "meal" but was ignored. So she got out a sweet and said he could have it if he sat down again. Nope. The boy carried on running. The plates were taken away and
the little shyster carried on annoying people. Mum and dad continued their chat as though everything was all right. That was, until one of the clients got up to complain to the parents.

He told the mother that the child was really disturbing him and the others around him by staring at them and every now and again shouting, running away in that heavy-footed way kids like to make noise. The mother was so astounded at this unusual and daring act that she even raised her voice to the child. But still she didn't get up. It took the little blighter to have an accident with the waiter carrying empty cups back to the bar for her to motivate herself. The child was unhurt, the waiter only unbalanced, but the cups had made a heavy landing on the concrete. Now he was seated, he began to clap his hands, put his fingers in his warm and gasless fanta drink and make monosyllabic outbursts but the parents did not tell him to be quiet. I then wondered why potential stepparents are unable to adopt children without the most rigorous of tests, but anyone with the right sexual organs can just make their own.

A third event took place last week when I was in Germany. I was at a village celebration where they set fire to a load of wood to commemorate the arrival of spring. They had set up a bar in an open tent and tables and chairs were placed outside to sit and have a good drink and chat. I noticed that all the adults were sitting or standing around getting slowly unconscious on alcohol while the kids were running about the field, playing with the fire and putting drinks down each other's shirts. I remembered one of the children from a previous visit and had got chatting to her - her friends were interested in the arrival of a foreigner so we all had a chat in the dusk light. Some of the questions were typical of kids to try and embarrass you, but I handled it fairly well, considering German is one of my weaker languages. When I said goodbye to them and headed back to the house I was staying in, two of the less-than-vertical fathers shouted at me to stop where I was. One asked, "what have you been doing with our children?" I didn't quite understand the nature of the question and felt quite threatened, so I asked the spokesman to repeat it. He said he didn't like strangers hanging round the kids and wondered what I was doing with them. If he had looked up from his glass, he would have seen. I told them what happened and they went away.

However, I felt like saying, "and what did you do with them?" Because it was plain to see that they just parked their kids on the grass while they went off to get drunk. Saves on the babysitting costs.

But I didn't, because we don't, do we? We don't correct others because it's not our responsibility. We are too shy to interfere in the lives of others for fear of upsetting them, or even worse, being the victims of violence. And the only thing the police would do is tell you to keep your nose out.

[That reminds me of the ultimate keep-your-nose-out example: not so long ago, in Brussels, a family called the police because the television had been on in the house next door all night for the past two weeks, and there was a terrible smell of rubbish. What they found was horrific. The old man who lived there had been dead for two weeks at least and had obviously passed away while watching the television. God help us if that is the way of the future. I think we need to make subtle inquiries into the health, wellbeing and stability of those around us. If we carry on getting more and more insular, we will end up all in a dysfunctional society, with relationships and families where we barely communicate to each other.]

Parents have great responsibilities to society as a whole - they need to pass on the social and moral ethics which allow our society to function. But many don't, or cannot. Many are far too lenient. In the case of the child in the restaurant, if that had been me as a boy, I'd have got a slap. Oh damn, we can't punish physically any more because some researchers told us it could psychologically damage you in later years. It didn't damage me. It didn't damage my father, who had it far worse. In fact, out of all the people I know who were punished as children, they have turned out far more balanced than those who grew up without it. Bullying damages you, punishment does not. It puts you in your place. Having a sense of justice helps, but these days, teachers are losing control of the classrooms, parents need to work all day because they can't live off one salary and so friends, computer games, DVDs, TV and the Internet take over the role of chief educator and kids create their own Lord-of-the-Flies view of the world.

I am not a traditionalist, but I firmly believe that a return to stay-at-home parents is a must for the future, but it is not important which parent stays at home. The main obstacle is the lack of policy to bring this about. I believe that the unemployment figures can be dramatically reduced and the amount of parents bringing up their children at home can be raised in one go by creating a partnership between the government and the business world where companies who offer an employee whose spouse quits work to look after their children a significant rise in salary. The companies taking part are offered tax breaks of the equivalent amount or more to compensate. This not only places the family at the heart of government policy, it also creates space for another potential employee who would be otherwise unemployed. This could have knock-on benefits, for example an incentive to produce more children, thus an upturn in population figures setting off the aging population.

This will not happen though, because governments of our day are only interested in offering cheap, temporary and diluted policies. They need to continue filling big business with tax incentives and helping reduce expenditure. The age of the benevolent government is over, stand by for the end of society.