My sister is a Jehovah's Witness. She got cajoled into it by her husband, who met her during a period of enlightenment when he had left the organisation. He was soon made to rejoin through the usual shunning techniques employed by members, where they take away your access to them even in an unofficial capacity, and put himself and his unsuspecting victims - I mean family - back under the Watchtower Organisation's malevolent influence.
This all happened when I was a young boy, and I remember the day they came out to my mother. She was in floods of tears and whisked me away for consolation to my grandmother's house, where everyone present lamented the situation and realised there was little or nothing there could be done to change it. She is still a Witness (i.e. Watchtower employee) today, and the shenanigans I have seen, and the excuses I have had to put up with are enough to prove that their organisation is nothing more than an evil and manipulative publishing company, where all the "congregation" are in fact unpaid employees who are peddling their employers' wares to the easily-led, the ignorant and the lonely. Not to mention the stupid.
There is something in psychology called cognitive dissonance, where a person makes a choice and if afterwards all evidence disproves it, they will still stick by their choice and defend it most vehemently. The most embarrassing part about this is in the real world ordinary deluded people caught up in a lie that they still believe often resort to physical or verbal abuse, but Witnesses don't believe in violence, so they either disengage from the conversation or they change the subject. In other words, they're a bunch of easily-duped, easy-to-please, confused and disoriented pussy cats who are looking for an easy explanation for complicated matters like geology or biology.
There are no single-sentence explanations, which is why they require research and academic papers that can look a little tricky to read, but are not telling you an absolute lie handily packaged in neat little bundles of simple words. Read any Watchtower publication and it is so neatly expressed, so tidily packaged, that anyone of low academic ability or low self-esteem will immediately be hooked. It sums everything up so well, and all answered so satisfyingly easily.
What experiences can I bring up that I can talk about? Well - there are many, but here are some of the highlights:
1. Luring me into an engaging debate
One of the ways I have been "preached" to is by the systematic turn-taking of my sister, her husband and two daughters to engage me in conversation on a subject that I would find interesting, and then make a segue into something pseudo-religious before attempting to link that to their organisation. I can remember 6 times when this happened - two by the brother-in-law, two by my sister, and two by the daughters.
There may have been more, but I don't tend to remember all conversations of a low-to-mediocre standard. The idea of engaging in this way is to then lead into something that may make one sit up and think (if one did not do much thinking beforehand). It generally made me think, yes, but mainly "if they have answers to everything, why haven't these people done much research?"
For example, they knew I was into science, so they came up with the idea to "teach" me about why Jewish males are circumcised on the ninth day. Apparently, doctors have discovered, that day is when there is the least blood in that area of the boy's body and therefore "God" made it like that to aid in the process. This is, of course, without bothering to mention that it is practically the same for the first couple of weeks of any boy's life, not just the ninth day.
I was routinely bombarded with "interesting" anecdotes like this, in the hope one would make me shriek "of course!" and join them forthwith. Most of them made me chuckle inside as I waited eagerly for the next beauty to be paraded before me. I remained respectful, because she was still my sister, and my
elder sister at that, but deep inside, I could see she had done her research on me (that I liked trivia and interesting bits of information especially on history, science and language) and was aiming her artillery at me and what she thought was my weak spot. What she didn't know was that her weapon of choice was never ever going to be adequate to penetrate my defences, which are not actually that strong, as I am always open for persuasion. I am just not the typical dopey idealist that falls for the first simplistic explanation.
2. Let's show 'em how cool and ultra-modern we are!
Then there was the time I was given a rundown on how fab their meetings are. This was supposed to tell me they were just "normal" people like everyone else. Well after listening to the kind of twee things they got up to, accompanied by the occasional chuckle at their really wild stories of singing karaoke and walking in the woods, I really felt like running in the other direction. If they weren't going for the hard sell, I may have gone along to one or two events, but this was far too badly dressed up. They apparently had a party back in the nineties when the Macarena was all the rage, but they couldn't sing that word because it was taboo to them, so they sang "Margarita" instead. Because you know, an alcoholic cocktail containing tequila and triple sec is far better to sing about than a Spanish girl's name taken from a Catholic saint, lest it enrage their "God". Wild times.
What annoys me most about these moments of acting up-to-date is their utter contradiction in other areas. So they dance to contemporary songs, albeit with the words changed. So they talk about fashion and celebrities. Big deal. I have also been told about illnesses and cures, or the latest in dietary science from the most qualified of medics and academics. But they deny climate change, they deny geological evidence of the age of our planet and they deny a host of other scientific facts. Why is one OK to believe and the other not? Shouldn't you then just deny them all? Why are dietitians and oncologists to be believed, but astronomers and biologists not? Are they all lying to us? Are 98% of all climatologists in on some sick joke? I don't think so, but try telling them that.
3. The time I was accosted with a suit and a restaurant dinner
At no other time in my life did I feel quite so insulted as the day my brother-in-law thought it was a good idea to come all the way to Germany by car, with my sister and my father, to spend a couple of days being nice to me, and then dressing up in a suit and buying me dinner in order to break down my resistance before spinning me a yarn about how there were two Titanics and it was all an insurance setup, which bafflingly led into some discussion on God and stuff that I don't remember much about. I was receiving the Hard Sell, to which my reply was to look disdainfully at him and shake my head. He paid for the dinner and looked resigned to his fate, that he was never going to bring me on board. Until Stephen Hawking, David Attenborough and Brian Cox all declare the JWs to be right, I will still get my news on our planet from them and not from a bland group of gullible individuals who have never seen the inside of a lecture hall.
4. The great shunning tactic
One of the most despicable aspects of life as a Jaydub is their treatment of those that leave the congregation. They think it's all right to ignore them, reject them, forget about them, pretend they never existed. This has a traumatic effect on many, both those who are sunned and those forced to shun someone who used to be close. It is effectively a permanent exercise in mourning for those involved, but is a great way to prove loyalty from those who remain and to demand loyalty from those who leave. Basically, how it works is, a JW will only engage in conversation with outsiders when they either need something or if they think there's a hope they can persuade you to join.
If you don't join, you are seen as a lost cause and therefore a dangerous influence on people, so you are kept at arm's length. (I have received this treatment from my sister's family for quite a while now. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times she has called me since I left the UK in 2001. I have called many times more, but I do it a lot less these days.) If you leave their organisation, however, you are seen as an apostate. This means you have everything cut off - your friends and family, possibly your accommodation, and anything else they can remove from your life.
It's basically cold shouldering on an institutionalised, systematic and unchristian level. What effect does this have? It makes you miss the warmth and kindness you experienced while basking in the glow of their fellowship. As soon as you leave, it's suddenly very cold outside. Many return even if they don't believe, just not to lose the things they hold in importance; others leave never to return because freedom of mind is more important to them than imprisonment of the soul, no matter who they left behind.
5. Cherry-picking factoids
"How dare you have a degree? How could you defy your Lord by believing in scientifically proven fact?! Don't you know this is untrue?!"
I remember the Dinner of Intellectual Insult mentioned above, and my brother-in-law sighing in utter frustration and almost contempt after we told him we believed in Evolution. "Oh no, you're not Darwinists, are you?!" I mean it was said with the same vitriol as if I had just told him I had slept with his entire family.
"Well yes, I bloody well am", I replied.
To which the response was, "But you know it's called the
Theory of Evolution for a reason? It's only a theory."
And then I sadly needed to mansplain what an academic theory was - in the academic world, it is based on evidence and even proof, although it is called a theory just so as not to seem too pompous or presumptuous. At least that was my abridged version.
You will find this hilarious:
The
NWT translation committee is anonymous. No names have been attributed to them.
Except the head translator, Frederick Franz, who studied Greek for 2 years (TWO
MEASLY YEARS!!!) and was SELF-TAUGHT IN HEBREW!!!!! My own acquisition of
languages over 30 years tells me that 2 years, the equivalent of 240 academic
hours of study, is not enough to be able to hold down a job in the language
you’ve been learning, so to translate the Bible is really quite a tall order.
It is claimed the other three people on the translation committee were not even
as far along with their own language studies as our dear Mr Franz. That is the equivalent of a bunch of students in a houseshare, newly out of the parental home,
trying to rewire the electrics and fix up the plumbing with the aid of a few
written instructions on the back of a cigarette packet from one of their dads!
6. Patriarchal dominance and obedience
This is one of the most manipulative points of being a Witness - having total control over your family and congregation as a man. When I confronted my brother-in-law at That Dinner about this, as to why women were not allowed to be leaders, his astonishing replies were firstly "because every month women experience their periods, which throws their hormones off-balance and makes them subject to irrational decisions," which brought on a bout of indignation followed by mirth from me and Lady Kirsten. I countered this with the fact that females were often better leaders and academically more capable than males. His riposte was one of the most ignorant I have ever come across: "What about Margaret Thatcher? She was awful." He simply forgot Pol Pot, Mugabe, Stalin, Jaruzelski, Attila the Hun, and Uncle Adolf himself.
After having regained composure, I was still unable to respond adequately due to being rendered speechless.
In any case, patriarchal dominance suits the Watchtower organisation most perfectly as it allows them pretty much to ride roughshod over anyone and everyone that stands in their way. There have been incidents where the man has joined the organisation but the rest of the family hasn't, and in order to assume control over the household, he denies money to the rest until they join him. This is an organisation not so far from being a mafia-like enterprise where leaving is virtually impossible for wives and children. I have heard of teenage daughters who have left the organisation and the rest of the family have all but cut her off, down to not buying clothes, giving her lifts to the station in the rain, or even cooking dinner for them.
Patriarchal dominance is different to that in the established churches in that the Catholic Church denies women the right to be priests out of symbolism, and takes away women's rights to choose a termination or contraception out of dogmatic ideology (which is also wrong), but the Watchtower has rules for women that beggar belief, like wearing headscarves when carrying out gender-based stereotypical tasks in the absence of a male to do them, or denying them decision rights in the household (they are only to be consulted).
Yes, all religions were once like this, but many have gone with the times. The Watchtower is still way behind the rest.
7. Keeping the flock ignorant
A truly abominable tactic of the Watchtower is to frown upon those who go to university, on the grounds that they will become corrupted and partake in some form of sinfulness of the secular world. In other words, they might better themselves, realise what a bunch of jerks they all had been until they woke up, and never to return to the fold. Nor would I if I had been finally enlightened in the
real truth.
Mentioning the truth, that's the codeword those people use to describe their organisation. They say "are you in the truth?" meaning "are you a Witness?" without realising the irony behind that. This article has not really done more than touched on their beliefs yet, because there is so much other stuff going on away from that, but the fact of the matter remains: the less academically gifted, the better. Why? Because critical thinking is easier to manipulate if you start from scratch. It's a bit like tank drivers in the British Army - they choose 17-year-olds to drive them because they haven't yet learned to drive an ordinary car, and can be trained only for tank-driving operations. And so the Witnesses prey on those who left school at 16 or 18, because they do not have the superior academic tools necessary to make fools out of Witnesses.
One of the most hilarious moments when I was growing up, was when my sister claimed that a JW could quote the Bible better than anyone else, giving the example of an outing to a book and stationery shop: she said a JW boy was listening to a conversation between two non-practising members of the general public and their argument over Bible teaching. apparently the boy stepped in and guided them to the correct passage. She then said all JW children are better at quoting the Bible than everyone else. Well then... that should be handy at the next G20...
I was sent a Watchtower brochure back in 2013 by another family member of mine who was flirting with joining (he has sadly since joined). It was basically some guff about "were we created and put here?" In other words, what is the evidence for Noah's flood and that we have only been on Earth for 6000 years? Lady Kirsten and I read some paragraphs in this very colourful, clearly-explained and well-illustrated booklet, having spontaneous bouts of hysterical laughter as we read out loud some of the passages contained in it. I won't elaborate, because I don't want to waste my time, and giving detail will add credence to their barmy beliefs, but what I can say is that I wrote a 54-page reply on MS Word in size 11 Calibri font as to why that piece of "literature" (his word, not mine!) was utter nonsense. I don't know if he read it, but I never heard from him on this subject again.
He was "captured" in typical JW style - a close family member had just died, and in his vulnerable state, he was starting to ask questions as to where we came from and what we were doing here. My brother-in-law was there just in time to answer him, which brings me to...
8. (Not) being there in times of need
One of the tactics employed by JWs, which fits neatly into their strategy of only speaking to people who are, or could eventually be Witnesses, is their uncanny knack of being in the right place at the right time, and then somehow hoping you'll agree that they have some dominance over you through your debt to them. This can range from simply picking you up from the airport/station when you are rushing back to see a dying family member, to taking you to the doctor. There are even larger cases of altruism I have heard of and been subject to, for which I thank them, but this does not mean I want to join them and I would hope they would expect the same in return from me, although not as a Jehovah's Witness, but as a member of the human race. Only doing favours for, or being charitable to those in their organisation or who are potential new recruits, does not correspond very favourably with the teachings of their Lord and Saviour.
9. Pity me and my people
Another super ruse to make people more sympathetic to them is to play the hard-done-by card. They tell you people vilify them, that they mock them and reject them time after time. You start feeling sorry for them. You start gaining a modicum of empathy and before you know it, you're in a conversation about how good they all are and how they are so badly misunderstood. Well quite. It's not that they are misunderstood, it is that people understand them all too well. Don't be fooled by this.
On this matter, the one thing I have noticed is that they all speak in the same zombified tone. There is not much intonation in their voices - someone said to me this is because once you're in, you have the high waves of happiness dragged out of you although you don't feel sad about it. People are just in a state of emotional mediocrity.
10. Salvation and the End Times
This is their calling card. They believe that God has chosen exactly 144,000 people to join Him in His Kingdom at the Apocalypse. They reject Catholic doctrine as being immersed in symbolism and Paganism (fair enough, it is) and so they don't believe in Christmas, the Trinity or sainthood. So far, so good. So why, then, in the list of all the members they consider will be saved, are they
all Witnesses, and why are nearly
all of them men? Surely having such a list of people considered worthy to enter Heaven is akin to the Catholic custom of canonisation or sainthood, anathema to their own doctrine. Surely, they should believe what it says in the Bible: that only the Maker can decide who enters the Kingdom of Heaven.
If you believe in that kind of thing, anyhow...
11. Wacky ideas need clever methods to introduce them
Their teachings and beliefs are so different from other Christian organisations that many of their doctrines are so unpalatable that they only make new members aware of them after certain hurdles have been crossed. It is a case of acceptance - if the new recruit does not seem ready to embrace a new idea or rule, it is not mentioned to them until they are mentally prepared.
If a religious organisation feels it needs to open up its views and teachings slowly, so as not to alarm new members, and if it needs to go
out looking for new members because not a lot of people go to it of their own
accord, and if there are potentially only 19 million members worldwide (the population of North Korea is 6 million bigger), then
there must be something very worrying, very wrong and very creepy about it.
Surely, if it were the panacea of the world’s ills, the doors of Kingdom Halls
would be being thumped on by wannabe recruits day and night. But they're not.
And they’re not, because like double glazing salesmen and dodgy cold callers,
who use similar techniques to sell their product, most people know a bad deal
when they see one.
12. Sheeple will believe anything and do anything for you
How does a Witness stay a member of the congregation despite all the evidence against them? By being told that everyone else is evil. Simple. Scientists carry out inhumane experiments, teachers may give lessons on inappropriate subjects (like astronomy and geology) and the secular people in general, with their Instagram and Game of Thrones, are all immoral. The easiest people to con into believing and subscribing to their nefarious activities are those who see the glass half-empty. They can be told the world is becoming immoral and its people are all evil. The truth of the matter is the world has always been that way.
J.K. Rowling sums it up best when she says: "It is perfectly possible to live a very moral life without a belief in God, and I think it's perfectly possible to live a life peppered with ill-doing and believe in God." This was what my late mother used to say, although in different words to Ms Rowling, and it is what I believe too. There is no religion that can claim a monopoly on goodness and anyone who believes they are the chosen people or the only show in town with righteousness on their side needs to get a dose of reality.
So if a whole group of people are told not to believe anything they see or read that does not come from a Watchtower-accredited source, due to it being evil, how are they supposed to believe anything at all from the real world? So they are cut off from things that affect us all. How convenient. Apparently, the BBC's Lyse Doucet and Jeremy Vine are tools of the devil... yes, I always had my suspicions about them, reporting from war zones without ever getting blown up themselves... makes sense now...
Furthermore, if you are told not to trust anyone from outside of the organisation, because they may be evil, you can feed your flock all kinds of bogus information. You can then interpret the Bible in your own way to suit your needs. Why on Earth would you ban your congregation from life-saving blood transfusions? I'll tell you why - because if you are the prize idiot who does refuse a blood transfusion, you will be considered a hero for dying for the cause and you will be held up as proof of faith. If you don't and you accept, you will be rejected by the people you have been close to for however long you have been a member. Some would rather die a hero than live as an outcast, I can imagine.
There are other things they use to test their flock (or unpaid employees) and their loyalty. They are expected to knock on strangers' doors on a regular basis to recruit new members. This is where the boundaries of reality really get blurred - are they employees working for the company, or are they faithful servants of their deity? You see, the Watchtower company does a lot of publishing of books, brochures and pamphlets. It all costs money, and the upkeep of their upstate New York HQ must cost a pretty packet (the old one in Brooklyn was recently bought by Jared Kushner, of all people). So what better way to earn oodles of money than sell your merchandise to a captive audience? And while they're at it, get them to go out and find more recruits for you... all this for free, and they'll even pay you a tithe (10% of their earnings) to keep you going. How sweet.
In other words...
You have to be either an alpha male-type who is in it just for the power, or you enjoy being the submissive one in a very one-sided relationship, or you have to be one exclamation mark short of a psychopath for joining them in the first place.
I have hardly touched their core beliefs, which can lead to a fiery after-life of pain and misery, but I have so little respect for their idea that their Creator will punish everyone who ever lived except 144,000, that I will gladly take the chance at the end to be proven wrong - but I don't think I will, quite frankly.
Any God that makes up such harsh and inhuman rules leading to brutal retribution if disobeyed sounds more like Erdoğan, or Orbán, even Trump; some narcissistic, vengeful and paranoid Creator who is so mentally and emotionally insecure without the unconditional love and worship from his underlings that he wants to chuck them all in the fires of Hell. Except for the 144,000 on the list. And this, despite preaching a message of love. I think there's a disconnect somewhere...
So I have kind of said goodbye to my family. I still stay in contact with other non-Witnesses, but my siblings have unfortunately made their bed, so they can lie in it. I have not stepped in the family home since my mother died in 2007 - I want to remember it the way it was. I hope one day they wake up and see they have wasted their lives, but I don't think they will.
