Hey everyone, get yourself a new car - you'll feel so much better! You can't afford it? No problem, we'll fix you up with our financial adviser who will talk of the various ways you can own your very own car without paying for it in one lump sum! The interest is higher than a bank account but it's lower than a mortgage and at the end we'll only make about 10% profit on you.
Or why don't you go on a holiday? Take yourself to Sicily, Barbados, Amsterdam or even Cannes for a couple of weeks. Go on - you can do it! Yes you can! Bah, don't worry about money - we'll sell you a deal unbeatable anywhere else! Too much time off in one go? Worry about that afterwards! What you need is a holiday, my friend!
Have you got the TV everyone else has? No? your model too old? Well then: come to our superstore and we'll sell you one that not only everyone else doesn't have, they won't have it for several years! And we'll make sure you've got TV in digital as well! Yes, digital TV is the future - no, it's the present too, and you should be in on it. If you're not, you must still be watching the pictures in analogue, and that's so nineties. We're all watching the TV on plasma these days, where you can watch the stars without pixels!
Have you got a supermarket fidelity card? If not, you may be missing out on deals you surely should be part of - you can get 10 cents off every bottle of ketchup you buy after your fourth purchase! You could be getting ads sent to you telling you about our deals year-round! You could be the winner of our fidelity card lottery! A winner every day! Umbrellas, toasters, freezer foods, ready-made meals, fizzy drinks and so much more to be won! We guarantee you'll be so much more contented with our bargains than any other superstore in the land! Collect our tokens to save up to 50 euro per year!
Is your house insured against fire? And theft, adverse weather conditions, children, bad workmanship or vandals? If not, call us to arrange a free estimation. We'll send along a highly qualified expert to tell you what could happen to you if you don't! We have all kinds of deals available to homeowners and renters alike and we guarantee money back if nothing happens to you! But we'll keep your place safe - we'll also advise you on how to reduce your insurance bills by purchasing alarms, roof protection, shutters and vandal-proof paint! We promise you'll feel the safest person in your neighbourhood!
Oh please, shut up!
Can I buy happiness? Nope. Can I buy health? No. As long as I've got a roof over my head and food on the table, none of the other stuff should matter.
Oh but it does. You wouldn't believe the amount of adult people I make contact with who are fascinated by all the latest technology, all the best deals and who religiously save up all the tokens for the supermarkets, even going to a different supermarket to get a cheaper deal on one item of food than another. I have contact with individuals who don't fail to tell me about where they bought their new suit, sunglasses or mobile phone. Does it really matter? I have one I like - is it important how much it cost and where it came from?
I'd rather have my happiness than a new gadget. But even then, I find it hard not to conform. I have a lot of bills each month, mainly household, but even then certain bills I get are rather useless, to say the least. But I have to pay them because we're all tricked into thinking that we need them.
Recently I've lambasted bad parenting, attacked public transport, gone crazy over bad mannered kids, so before you think I'm exaggerating by turning my anger on the consumer market, I'll shut up now and go and watch the US Grand Prix on my super-deluxe, home cinema complex with digital surround sound and a million colours.
I'm lying of course - it's a TV with a remote control. Do I need anything else to watch TV? You tell me!
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