Eurovision: time to pull out or throw some out

I promise, this is my final article on the Eastern European Song Contest...

...and the final time I watch it until they change the voting system. OK, the best song always wins, and this was in no doubt tonight, as Serbia's simple act made a change from the usual circus acts we've been witnessing since Dana International. In some ways, Marija Šerifovic's performance was a little like Katrina and the Waves: a solid voice, an anthem which always does well, and the conviction to say who she is without trying to play to the crowd with little gimmicks. But on the other hand, every country in the top ten found its way there through its geographical position and its friends or expats. And this is what gets on my nerves more than anything else.

I was listening to Sir Terry Wogan on BBC1 and I got the feeling he's had enough of it. It's not about the song any more, it's about where you live. The crowd booed each time a neighbourly vote was cast. Russia, who could send Vlad Putin's cleaning lady along, will always get maximums from it's neighbours, to some of their inhabitants' great shame. The Baltics have up to 40% Russian expats, and there's nothing more those expats like than embarrassing their host countries' indigenous population.

I don't mind a little light patriotism, but blatant vote-rigging is definitely out. I agree that Marija Šerifovic's song was a worthy victory, and Ukraine genuinely deserved high scores, but honestly - does anyone believe that Russia, Belarus and Turkey should have been in the top six? I am from the UK, so I'm guaranteed to see my country in the final anyway, but I'm just disappointed that countries like Denmark, Switzerland, Andorra and Poland didn't make it to the final because of the alliances throughout Europe. OK, there are alliances in western Europe too, like Malta, Ireland and the UK, or Germany, Austria, the Netherlands and Turkey, the Scandinavians or the Iberians, but it's disappointing when so many good songs don't get far because of block voting.

Anyway, here's what I would do from now on:

No more semi-finals, where the original members can get humiliated. Let's have regional song contests (possibly by jury), with the top 6 going through to the final. I would do it along these lines, keeping some together and splitting some up:

Belarus, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, Armenia, Georgia, Turkey, Israel, Bulgaria, Serbia, FYR Macedonia, Montenegro

Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Denmark, Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, Poland, Czech Republic

Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Switzerland, Austria, Romania, Portugal, Malta, Cyprus, Greece, Andorra

Let them all battle it out amongst each other - they wouldn't be so friendly then, would they? Then in the final only those countries which qualified can vote individually with a double-pointer for a block vote of all those who didn't make it.

Germany, France, the UK and Spain automatically go to the final as they pay for the event. And here lies the irony - the subsidisers of the whole thing consistently get left out in the cold because of the huge block voting. It only takes one of those broadcasters to say "OK, we've had enough", and the whole thing will be in trouble. Maybe Russian TV should now do its part and become a major sponsor, seeing as it's the one with the most points accumulated since the decade started.

Another thing I noticed, which I felt was unfair, was some acts were miming. If they weren't then there was some serious time difference between the mouths opening and the voices reaching us...

Either change the voting system or watch the quick demise of this great European institution.

Final scores (notice the ones in bold and underlined):
Serbia 268
Ukraine 235
Russia 207
Turkey 163
Bulgaria 157 (how?!)
Belarus 145
Greece 139
Armenia 138
Hungary 128
Moldova 109
Bosnia/Herzegovina 106
Georgia 97
Romania 84
Macedonia 73
Slovenia 66
Latvia 54
Finland 53
Sweden 51
Germany 49
Spain 43
Lithuania 28
France 19
United Kingdom 19
Ireland 5

Eurovision: the Warsaw Pact returns

I take it all back. The Eastern-Eurovision Song Contest has replaced the festival of music we all know and love(d).

Musical ability doesn't count when partisan vote-rigging takes precedent above all. Of the ten qualifiers, only Turkey (whose song I really didn't rate at all) is not an ex-socialist or Balkan representative.

Denmark, Israel, Andorra, Poland and the Netherlands deserved at least to qualify in place of the entries from FYR Macedonia, Bulgaria, Turkey, Slovenia and Georgia. The hall also seemed to agree, with a mass booing at the end followed by the quickest emptying of the venue I have ever seen. Normally there's a party afterwards, but the place just evacuated like a fire drill had been announced.

However, considering the rest of the qualifiers, Hungary was for me the most meaningful, Serbia the most deserving and Latvia the best potential. But still New European countries - what about the Old Europe, the founding members? Well Belgium's entry should have had a chance tonight but the cartel won out. France has a chirpy number which stands a chance of getting in the top ten. Germany is a hot favourite, the UK's ditty has no chance and Spain is just another mamma's boy in a vest. Ireland has a good folky number but a little too cliché. Sweden is again typical Scandi-pop and Finland obviously doesn't want to win twice in a row.

Tonight's article is intentionally short as I don't wish to waste my typing on the shocking results announcement I've just witnessed. But for the credibility of the contest, I hope the EBU changes the preliminary voting.

If you split the continent in four so the ex-Soviets, Balkans, Mediterraneans and Old Europeans all had to battle it out for places in the finals, plus reduce voting rights from the non-qualifiers, so their maximum was six points instead of twelve, we might get some more justified results. And they wouldn't be so friendly to each other then, would they? Or if it went back to juries with a 50-50 split with the public vote, we might get rid of some of the nonsensical cartels which have risen up. The Soviet Union has a lot to be responsible for - the amount of expat Russians in European countries means their votes will assure Russia of a top-five finish even if they sent the Cacophonic Barking Stray Dog Chorus of Magnitogorsk.

It's no fun any more - it's political and it's maybe time to dump a few countries. I mean, what's Armenia doing there, in the name of Terry Wogan's toupée? Only EU countries to participate maybe? Never, I'm afraid - not if marketing in Russia and the Balkans would suffer, God forbid.

At least if the best song wins on Saturday, we might have a chance of salvaging its reputation. My money's on Ukraine, Hungary, Serbia or Germany (although unlikely seeing as they don't have a load of expats spread all through Europe).

I'm off to put my Eurovision fan club membership card next to my gas cooker - if it all goes political on Saturday, it's getting roasted.