Everyone who is obsessed with large events of global significance like the Olympic Games, the World Cup or the Eurovision Song Contest, has lists. It's the one thing that unites us all. We're showing our autistic side, that's all, and quite frankly, WDGAFF what the detractors think - this is our prize cow and we're going to milk it within an inch of its life. The one thing Eurovision nutjobs like me always do is ask others what their top 5 are. But we don't just talk about the songs...
Top five venues?
The one thing Eurovision always does, every year, is try to outdo the year before. To be honest, I think this year's is the best I've ever seen. The stage is magnificent, the background images divine and the sumptuous opening showed it all off. But apart from that?
Copenhagen - Parken Stadium (1993)
Nobody would ever leave this off the list. The biggest Eurovision ever, hosted not in a glorified conference centre or ice hockey hall, but a stadium. It was a lovely sunny evening and the atmosphere created itself.
Millstreet, Ireland - Green Glens Arena (2001)
Think it sounds like a place for a horse show? Yes, you'd be right. The most oddball place for any Eurovision ever, it was a huge tent erected over the show jumping area, and the whole thing could have been an unmitigated catastrophe, but on television, you would never have known.
Vienna - Hofburg Imperial Palace (1967)
Yes, Vienna again. If aliens landed somewhere on the planet I think Vienna is the place they'd think we'd chosen as our capital city. The glorious buildings give it that air, but the cream on the cupcake is Hofburg. Having the Eurovision Song Contest take place there, in the home of music, was the equivalent of having a Star Trek convention in Leonard Nimoy's kitchen.
Copenhagen - B&W Hallerne (2014)
Aaaand Copenhagen once more... But wait until you read why - this was a huge undertaking. A former dock warehouse, it was converted into a 10,000-capacity concert venue with its surrounding area being dubbed "Eurovision Island". We all thought it was barmy. In the end it was a stroke of genius.
Baku - Crystal Hall (2012)
Probably the finest setting for all Eurovisions, the Crystal Hall was a truly remarkable venue and the fact they even lit the building with the colours of the flags while that nation's entry was singing just makes it all the more embarrassing that the UK sent Engelbert Humperdinck that year.
Top five winners?
This is always a contentious one with lots of us Euronuts. My cut-off point is how comfortable I would be if my earphones fell out of my ear on the bus and my fellow passengers were to hear what I was listening to, and all of these pass. I have my own rule: whatever song is in my head when the performances are over I'll vote for. Funnily enough, these below were all in my head, and the songs I hoped would eventually win that evening. I'd say it depends on the day as to who I think was the best of all time, but I can at least rummage up a top 5:
"Molitva" - Marija Šerifović, Serbia (Helsinki, 2007)
The simple choreography, the backing group, the unpretentious staging, the powerful voice and the anthemic build-up made this for me a simple choice for this list. The fact it was the only winner not in English since 1991 is unimportant. I believe the song is important, not only the lyrics, and often a song is made more beautiful if it is sung in the language of its genre. This is a perfect example.
VIEW HERE
"Love Shine A Light" - Katrina and the Waves, UK (Dublin, 1997)
This is no bias. Even 18 years later, this song's upbeat message containing those two vital winning Eurovision ingredients of hope and friendship, still make this the most deserving winner of the 1990s. I am a great fan of simplicity and unpretentiousness, and once again, this act contained no drop-dead gorgeous people, no strobe lighting, no silly dancing and no idiots losing clothes. Although the green collar was a bit OTT, it stood out a country mile and won by a 70-point landslide.
VIEW HERE
"Fly On The Wings Of Love" - The Olsen Brothers, Denmark (Stockholm, 2000)
In the grand scheme of things, this song is another triumph for the simple. Just two old guys on their guitars. Like the other two songs I have listed, it's got an unforgettable anthemic nature about it and like the UK song above, is about hope and friendship. On the night, though, nobody thought it had a cat in hell's chance. But it blew everyone else away with a 40-point margin.
VIEW HERE
"Insieme: 1992" - Toto Cutugno, Italy (Zagreb, 1990)
I have always liked Italian when it is sung. I have often hoped the Italians would do well at Eurovision as they send in quality songs, mainly due to their Sanremo festivals, which turns up some very important and long-lasting quality artists. This time was different. In 1990, this song ticked a lot of boxes: two years before the Maastricht Treaty, Europe was gripped by revolution to the east. The Germanies were reuniting, and the idea of European integration was becoming reality. This song, almost totally in Italian, had importantly three words in English: "Unite Unite Europe". The song is not a classic, but it has the same characteristics as the others above: rousing anthem, simple choreography and a memorable chorus, even if the singer makes some appallingly embarrassing moves, and the brass section of the orchestra plays some excruciatingly kitsch high notes. It won not on quality but on being the right song for the right occasion.
VIEW HERE
"Fairytale" - Alexander Rybak, Norway (Moscow, 2009)
I had a little difficulty choosing my fifth: Finland's Hard Rock Hallelujah and Ukraine's Wild Dances would round off a top seven, but I chose Fairytale because it fits the theme of the others I have chosen: memorable melody, simple choreography and no cheap gimmicks. It went a step further though: the guy could really play the fiddle. He won by the biggest margin in Eurovision history, 169 points ahead of his nearest rival, Iceland. I voted for it, and so did the rest of Europe.
VIEW HERE
Bottom five winners?
I would say at this point, whoever wins the Eurovision, despite tactical voting, still needs the support of the rest of the continent, and generally the best song always wins. For me, though, there are years when the voting public has got it terribly wrong. Most of the ones I've chosen come from the period when there was 100% public choice. It's got a lot better since they started jury votes again, but here are some that should never have won:
"Believe" - Dima Bilan, Russia (Belgrade, 2008)
If anyone won because of a gimmick, it was this guy. I hated the song, the mercenary Olympic ice skater, the stupid choreography, Bilan's heavy breathing and the utter fix that year seemed to be. There were such very bad songs that year, that it was actually the least worst of the rest. Remember Greece's "Secret Combination"? Armenia's "Qelé, Qelé"? Ukraine's Shady Lady? Nope. Nor do I - much. It could have been worse had they won. But they were the runners-up in what for me was, musically, the worst Eurovision of all time. The economic crash had just happened and I think most of Europe was glad to give hosting a miss the year after. My favourite of that year was France's Sébastien Tellier with "Divine", a train-crash of an act, that actually made it pretty good.
VIEW HERE
"Running Scared" - Ell & Nikki, Azerbaijan (Düsseldorf, 2011)
Cheesy, schmaltzy, saccharine, whimsical rubbish of the lowest order. It could have been so much better with a few tweaks of the scoreboard. Italy was second with a storming number called "Follia d'Amore" and Denmark's A Friend In London was not far behind in 5th place. But then again, Jedward was there in the mix, as was Sweden's Eric Saade, with, I believe, the worst rhyme in music history: "Stop, don't say that it's impossible / 'Cause I know it's possible." Who thought of that one? Can you imagine the writers sitting there? "So guys, we need a word that rhymes with 'possible'. Any takers?" So let's not beat ourselves up too much.
VIEW HERE
"Every Way That I Can" - Sertab Erener, Turkey (Riga, 2003)
This, for me, was the most unjust result of the 21st century. Sertab Erener's copy+paste of a song did nothing to enhance the beauty of music. It was weak, fatuous and lacking in any feeling at all. Totally the opposite end of the spectrum from the two above, which exaggerated emotion. This one was all about the act, which, when levelled against some of the other competitors that year, was never going to fail. The act was also high on the list of t.A.T.u. that year, a fake lesbian duo who arrogantly blustered into the competition claiming they were going to win. In the end they came third, but when I tell you only three points separated the top 3 places, it was close. In fact, if the Irish hadn't had a telephone meltdown and the viewing public had their say, Russia may have won - who knows? Avery injustice should have a counterbalance, and Sertab denying the Russians that year was it. But the greatest injustice of all was who came second. Belgium's Urban Trad, with their atmospheric folk song "Sanomi" should have won, were it not for the Swedish votes in the second-last round of points. They gave eight to Turkey and two to Russia, and none at all to Belgium, meaning the phlegmatic Slovenians stood in the way of Belgium's first win, and I couldn't see them giving points to Belgium. Inevitably, they gave their ten and twelve to Turkey and Russia respectively and Belgium got only 3 from them. Sanomi, for me, is the best song never to win Eurovision. But more on that shortly...
VIEW HERE
"Rock 'n' Roll Kids" - Paul Harrington & Charlie McGettigan, Ireland (Dublin, 1994)
This was Ireland's most unusual win of all. During their "Reign of Terror" in the 1990s, they tried everything to stop winning. Channel 4's comedy Father Ted played heavily on this in one episode, when the Irish broadcaster decided to rig their national champion and send an atrocious song to Eurovision. It worked in a fictional comedy, but it didn't in the real thing and this duo sang a sad and wistful number about when they were young. If the Olsen Brothers were two old blokes with instruments, these were their anathema. A dirge of a song, but what gave Ireland the victory was not, I believe, that song. It was their interval act, Riverdance. I'm wrong, of course, but imagine if most of the juries had thought the Irish entry was their interval act and voted for that instead...
VIEW HERE
"Rock Me" - Riva, Yugoslavia (Lausanne, 1989)
For the fifth one, this is truly a fart at a funeral. It requires a build-up before I write about this one, as it is so unbelievably bad that I think typing too much could cause my head to implode in on itself. In 1989, following on from Sandra Kim (Belgium, 1986), Johnny Logan (Ireland, 1987) and Céline Dion (Switzerland, 1988), came the musically inept "Rock Me" by Riva from Yugoslavia. Barely half a decade having passed after the hit film Amadeus, this one seemed like a carbon copy (copy+paste was a new thing in those days) of Falco's Mozart-inspired eponymous theme tune, but without the class or depth of thought. It was just an empty vessel carrying a tune and some vacuous girl in a hideous red-white-black outfit gandering in and out of all the other performers like an unruly kid that's cramping the style of a cheap wedding band. Feel free to watch the video, but be warned: it will stay in your head for a long time afterwards...
VIEW HERE
Top five non-winners?
Out of all the categories, this is the one I could fill with my top 50. But I won't, as the Semi-Final starts in 5 and a quarter hours, and I want to see it. As you know, if you've been paying attention, Sanomi from Urban Trad was my Best Song Never To Win Eurovision, so these are my top-top five after that one:
"Calm After The Storm" - Common Linnets, Netherlands (Sweden, 2014)
After Sanomi, this is the Next Best Song Never To Win Eurovision. Many people's favourites are formed from their most recent memories, but in this case, I am sure, just like Sanomi, that I will think the same in 20 or 40 years' time. Calm After The Storm was a triumph of simplicity and moodiness that brought the hairs on my arms, neck and chest to a standing position. I had this song in my head two weeks after the competition ended. I was devastated it didn't win, but as Conchita won with her Shirley Bassey-style Rise Like a Phoenix, I could accept second place. It is timeless, unpretentious and soulful. Get out the tissues before you play it.
VIEW HERE
The next one is actually a person and not a song. Željko Joksimović is an inspirational and deep-thinking songwriter and singer.
Here are two of his entries:
"Lejla" - Hari Mata Hari, Bosnia and Herzegovina (Athens, 2006)
"Lane Moje" - himself, Serbia & Montenegro (Istanbul, 2004)
Everyone was playing for second in 2006. Lordi's Hard Rock Hallelujah was a shoe-in, and rightly so. It brought metal to the people. But this song was the one I wanted to win if Lordi didn't.
In 2004, B&H came a close second with another haunting melody written by him. Ukraine's Ruslana took it with her Wild Dances, and I have no beef with her of the song - it was so full of energy and activity, I was surprised she was able to hold a note by the end. But Joksimovic epitomises everything good about folk, and like Goran Bregovic, he doesn't compromise on making music buried deeply in the soil of his homelands.
Balkan music is fabulous. It is very technical, with its own character and often-unusual number of beats per bar, and it saddens me when people talk about block voting at the Eurovision. I have often voted for songs from this neck of the woods, and most certainly for these two. Listen to the songs, feel the melancholy energy and stop knocking it!
VIEW HERE (Lejla)
AND HERE (Lane Moje)
"Dancing Lasha Tumbai" - Verka Serduchka, Ukraine (Helsinki, 2007)
Verka Serduchka was a Teletubby fairy in tinfoil and dark glasses who sang in several languages. A roly-poly, camper than camp phenomenon in silver, he/she souped up another traditional melody and made it into sublime Ukrainian turbofolk. I loved it and still do. The controversial lyrics seemed to say "I want to see / Russia goodbye", but they were given the benefit of the doubt on the night.
VIEW HERE
"Et S'il Fallait Le Faire" - Patricia Kaas, France (Moscow, 2009)
I have often voted for France at Eurovision, and this was the year the larger Western European countries put up a fight to wrest the competition away from the Scandinavians and Easterners. The UK sent Jade Ewen, with her Lloyd Webber power ballad "It's My Time", but France sent this terrific number. I've seen Patricia Kaas in concert, incidentally, also in Moscow, and she certainly puts on a show. This one is a typical chanson à la française and deserved a much, much higher position than 8th, but not bad, considering she sang third, usually a very bad place in the running order, when people at home are still getting their dinner plates washed and putting on the coffee. Still, I love this song, and it deserved better.
VIEW HERE
"No No Never" - Texas Lightning, Germany (Athens, 2006)
In 2006, I still lived in Belgium. A friend of mine took me in his car to his village near Berlin (Brussels outskirts-Berlin outskirts in 6 hours, including a stop for dinner - not so much driving fast, as flying low). The next day he took his family and me to the supermarket and there was this up-tempo country number playing in the building. I heard it several more times that weekend, and it really made me stop what I was doing and listen. When I enquired about it, they told me it was Germany's entry for Eurovision that year. I liked it a lot, but in the period of time when the music really did die, I gave it not a cat in hell's chance. Germany was later that year going to host the World Cup and this was a kind of pre-tournament theme. I still hear it played on the radio 9 years later, and that's the sign of a good song - no matter where it comes in the Eurovision, if it's good, it'll survive long after they've put the glitter and sequins away.
VIEW HERE
Top five hosts?
There is only one:
Petra Mede!
VIEW HERE
I rest my case :-)
Showing posts with label Eurovision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eurovision. Show all posts
Thursday, 21 May 2015
Monday, 6 April 2015
Eurovision Song Contest 2015: it's a very sad year
It seems like nobody wants a party this year. Or at least very few. With the Middle East in its most parlous state ever, Western Africa simmering, Eastern Africa failing to make any progress in stopping the rise of extremism, poverty and destitution on the rise everywhere, and rich European countries (who should know better) acting selfishly over a few lost Shekels in the Aegean Sea, it is no wonder this year's Eurovision Song Contest has a melancholy air about it.
There are a lot of real dirges this year and a lot of awfully miserable lyrics:
This offering from Hungary's Boggie ("Wars for Nothing") sums it up:
"Do you know how many innocents
Are hiding from punishment
For crimes they’d never commit?
All alone, all alone"
I would, however, suggest that the song itself is a very good one.
Unlike Armenia's, whose lyrics seem to have been hastily thrown together by one of those online rhyme generators:
"We find so many ways fooling our heart
Playing too many games trying to hide
When you follow a dream, surrender the sorrow inside
Face every shadow you denied
Feels like so many times life was unfair
Will you run and forget all the despair?
If it’s breaking you down, remember the power inside
Face every shadow you denied"
There are some diamonds in the rough, for example France, whose chanteuse Lisa Angell offers peace, hope, courage and (that old French cliché) solidarity to her listeners when she sings about her village that had been destroyed by war and that she is back to rebuild it. We all need to have dreams - good luck with that...
It's going to be three very long evenings in May, and I have decided not to hold a Eurovision party this year. So let's check the potential winners at the bookmakers:
There are some worth mentioning:
Latvia's singer has a very special voice and the song has some very unique backbeats.
Lithuania, the only Baltic country never to have won, has a happy melody and will do well, even with the kissing gimmick in the middle of the song. A dark horse.
Austria, Poland, Ireland and Belarus all go for pianos in one way or another, as do several other countries.
Finland has sent some men with learning difficulties with another hard rock number, which will garner a lot of votes.
Cyprus has taken a leaf out of the cute shy guy book and sent a pleasant ditty.
However...
The smart money should go on:
Australia at 9-1 - the song is strong, and it's their only attempt at it so they're liable to have an incredible act. At this stage, I think it will place high, but it won't win. I may change my mind on the night.
Denmark at 100-1 - it stands head-and-shoulders above the rest as an anthemic number that won't go out of your head, and is by a long way the best offering from the Nordic Eurovision powerhouses. It's got everything going for it - cute boy singer, no gimmicks and a memorable melody. I think I'm going to vote for this one.
The UK at 40-1 - quirky updated Charleston number with a feelgood beat and some humour attached. Some Louis Armstrong scatting in the middle is the only change in what is a pleasant melody but never really takes off.
The Netherlands at 66-1 - as usual, something different from them, and Trijntje Oosterhuis hits out a song that doesn't make you want to switch over to the news. Probably won't win, but is the best of the ballads.
Belgium at 33-1 - this young man will have the housewives and gay men purring. His video shows water dripping down his face, and I'm sure that's how most people will want to watch him as he sings "we're gonna rrrra ba ba tonight". If the staging is right (and Belgium is notoriously awful at it, although Wallonia less so than Flanders), he'll be sitting pretty in the top half of the final table.
Forgettable songs are aplenty though: Russia seems to have given up and is sending another copy/paste china doll; Greece really doesn't want to host it next year, but it feels left out without an entry; Switzerland is so desperate for votes, it has sent an off-the-shelf number that will appeal to the mediocrity lovers east of the Balkans; Armenia, FYROM, Georgia, Spain, Slovenia, Serbia, Czech Republic are all forgettable. But not as forgettable as everyone else I've not mentioned.
So here are my predictions for the winning song this year:
To check out all this year's contestants and their songs, visit the Eurovision website.
There are a lot of real dirges this year and a lot of awfully miserable lyrics:
This offering from Hungary's Boggie ("Wars for Nothing") sums it up:
"Do you know how many innocents
Are hiding from punishment
For crimes they’d never commit?
All alone, all alone"
I would, however, suggest that the song itself is a very good one.
Unlike Armenia's, whose lyrics seem to have been hastily thrown together by one of those online rhyme generators:
"We find so many ways fooling our heart
Playing too many games trying to hide
When you follow a dream, surrender the sorrow inside
Face every shadow you denied
Feels like so many times life was unfair
Will you run and forget all the despair?
If it’s breaking you down, remember the power inside
Face every shadow you denied"
There are some diamonds in the rough, for example France, whose chanteuse Lisa Angell offers peace, hope, courage and (that old French cliché) solidarity to her listeners when she sings about her village that had been destroyed by war and that she is back to rebuild it. We all need to have dreams - good luck with that...
It's going to be three very long evenings in May, and I have decided not to hold a Eurovision party this year. So let's check the potential winners at the bookmakers:
- Sweden is about 6-4, even though the song itself, for me, falls very short.
- Italy, at 4-1, had come with a powerful performance by three tenors and the song sticks in the head, although opera tends not to do so well at Eurovision.
- Estonia are 5-1 third favourites, goodness knows why, it's a mess.
There are some worth mentioning:
Latvia's singer has a very special voice and the song has some very unique backbeats.
Lithuania, the only Baltic country never to have won, has a happy melody and will do well, even with the kissing gimmick in the middle of the song. A dark horse.
Austria, Poland, Ireland and Belarus all go for pianos in one way or another, as do several other countries.
Finland has sent some men with learning difficulties with another hard rock number, which will garner a lot of votes.
Cyprus has taken a leaf out of the cute shy guy book and sent a pleasant ditty.
However...
The smart money should go on:
Australia at 9-1 - the song is strong, and it's their only attempt at it so they're liable to have an incredible act. At this stage, I think it will place high, but it won't win. I may change my mind on the night.
Denmark at 100-1 - it stands head-and-shoulders above the rest as an anthemic number that won't go out of your head, and is by a long way the best offering from the Nordic Eurovision powerhouses. It's got everything going for it - cute boy singer, no gimmicks and a memorable melody. I think I'm going to vote for this one.
The UK at 40-1 - quirky updated Charleston number with a feelgood beat and some humour attached. Some Louis Armstrong scatting in the middle is the only change in what is a pleasant melody but never really takes off.
The Netherlands at 66-1 - as usual, something different from them, and Trijntje Oosterhuis hits out a song that doesn't make you want to switch over to the news. Probably won't win, but is the best of the ballads.
Belgium at 33-1 - this young man will have the housewives and gay men purring. His video shows water dripping down his face, and I'm sure that's how most people will want to watch him as he sings "we're gonna rrrra ba ba tonight". If the staging is right (and Belgium is notoriously awful at it, although Wallonia less so than Flanders), he'll be sitting pretty in the top half of the final table.
Forgettable songs are aplenty though: Russia seems to have given up and is sending another copy/paste china doll; Greece really doesn't want to host it next year, but it feels left out without an entry; Switzerland is so desperate for votes, it has sent an off-the-shelf number that will appeal to the mediocrity lovers east of the Balkans; Armenia, FYROM, Georgia, Spain, Slovenia, Serbia, Czech Republic are all forgettable. But not as forgettable as everyone else I've not mentioned.
So here are my predictions for the winning song this year:
- The winning song will have at least one man singing.
- It will be a song that does not mention the current issues: an escape from the world's troubles.
- It will be close.
To check out all this year's contestants and their songs, visit the Eurovision website.
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Eurovision 2014: Conchita fires the starting pistol for 21st-century warfare
Something monumental yet very subtle happened last night in Copenhagen. Something that was barely noticed by the audience of 11,000 in the B&W Hallerne and approximately 120 million in the rest of Europe and the world at large. It was so subtle, I think most people haven't actually got it even now, 24 hours later. Conchita Wurst, the Queen of Austria, swept away the competition towards the end of voting, giving her home country its first win since 1966. It wasn't this either. It was the bit before that. The liberal-minded people of Europe voted for her against a backdrop of recent turmoil in lands further east, where it is not uncommon to attack, harass or even jail people of Conchita's kind with total impunity. There was a subliminal groundswell of support for Conchita earlier in the week; but what happened on the night was the Europe of tolerance and understanding giving the inflexible and sneering part of Europe a damn good open-hand slap on the chops.
What made this the moment the starting pistol of war was fired, even if it was a pistol stuffed full of shredded tinsel and stardust and made a fizzing sound upon pulling the trigger, was Conchita's acceptance speech on-stage: "This is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are. We are unity and we are unstoppable." Bang.
Or is that Boom-Bang-A-Bang?
Anyhow, it infuriated the Russians, who swiftly turned their post-Eurovision chat show into a tubthumping diatribe of everything wrong with Europe and why you'd be morally safe and sound under Putin's parental umbrella. In fact one of the key speakers in the debate said that it was the "end of Europe". Look out for your children all those with sons and daughters abroad in the EU - they might return gay. Or worse still, wearing a long figure-hugging sequined dress and sporting a beard. Yeah, right... I think if you find something to your liking you'll do it anyway. And vice-versa.
"I really dream of a world where we don't have to talk about unnecessary things like sexuality, where you're from or who you love," she went on. "This is not what it's all about." Well that's now where Europe's at, girlfriend. It's just up to the rest of the world to fall into line. In fact, I think you single-handedly made Gay Pride events in the EU obsolete. They were set up to further tolerance and understanding for the LGBT community. Well I get the impression they've been firmly accepted now. And thanks to you, we can get to grips with what is really right and wrong on our controversy-torn continent. There is one thing you can tell to President Putin over there in his sumptuous palace that he is loath to abandon: people's freedom does not start at the ballot box. It does not start at the push of a telephone button. It does not even start at the supermarket checkout. The freedom to choose, which is an important one, whether it be a politician, the next singing sensation or that evening's dinner, is so wide of the mark as to be insulting to 21st century human intelligence. And two of those you try your hardest to rig. The fact is, it starts in our heads and in our hearts. And when leaders of pressure groups, religious organisations and political parties try to lobby for the censorship of what you can and cannot see/do/think/feel, it can only create a huge storm in our society as to make the tectonic plates of opinion and philosophy rub so hard against each other as to cause an irreparable continental divide so powerful, it will take a war to put it together again.
And that is what happened last night.
But this war will not be not a cold war. It is not any particular temperature at all. We had the War of Jenkins' Ear, well this will be the War of Conchita's Song, and it will not be fought on any battlefield with any military hardware at all. This will be fought on computer keyboards, smartphone tapscreens and tablets all over the world. It is a war against immorality. 21st-century immorality. I am totally convinced that the word "morality" has fundamentally changed in meaning. It no longer just stands for that Judaeo-Roman ideal of patriarch-dominated heterosexual image of society as the "Guide to Family Life" would have us believe. "Morality" is not about believing society will collapse like Sodom and Gomorrah. "Morality" in the 21st century stands for accepting the idea of freedom to be who you want to be, without fear of insult, slander or persecution. It is the freedom to make choices based on your own sexual preference, your own religious belief and your own political stance.
And the war we are fighting is one of 21st-century morality: small-mindedness versus understanding.
I remember, when I was an impressionable young lad back in the nineties, being taken round a busy office building. It was a bit like open day. And I distinctively remember seeing a guy with a beard, hairy neck, a bit of a beer belly and stubby, freckled arms and legs, also fairly hairy. I say legs, because I saw them poking out from under his tartan skirt. A little later, and a long way out of earshot, I discreetly inquired as to that man, and the answer I got changed my opinion about life in oh-so-many different ways: the guide, who was also his boss, said: "if you're ever as good as he is in your job, you can come to work in a bikini if you like." Well I won't, because the weather's bad enough as it is, without me causing driving rain and thunderstorms by showing off my legs and arms. And I am sure way more than half of those who voted for Conchita last night would say the same. But this is where we stand out from the intolerant rabble: we wouldn't dress in a skirt and beard ourselves, but you have our blessing, and we'll damned well defend your right to do it if you want.
So Conchita, I salute you for showing up the amoral people in our society for the small-minded, mealy-mouthed drabs that they are, and I look forward to love-bombing a few of them on your behalf very soon.
See you in Vienna in May 2015!
What made this the moment the starting pistol of war was fired, even if it was a pistol stuffed full of shredded tinsel and stardust and made a fizzing sound upon pulling the trigger, was Conchita's acceptance speech on-stage: "This is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are. We are unity and we are unstoppable." Bang.
Or is that Boom-Bang-A-Bang?
Anyhow, it infuriated the Russians, who swiftly turned their post-Eurovision chat show into a tubthumping diatribe of everything wrong with Europe and why you'd be morally safe and sound under Putin's parental umbrella. In fact one of the key speakers in the debate said that it was the "end of Europe". Look out for your children all those with sons and daughters abroad in the EU - they might return gay. Or worse still, wearing a long figure-hugging sequined dress and sporting a beard. Yeah, right... I think if you find something to your liking you'll do it anyway. And vice-versa.
"I really dream of a world where we don't have to talk about unnecessary things like sexuality, where you're from or who you love," she went on. "This is not what it's all about." Well that's now where Europe's at, girlfriend. It's just up to the rest of the world to fall into line. In fact, I think you single-handedly made Gay Pride events in the EU obsolete. They were set up to further tolerance and understanding for the LGBT community. Well I get the impression they've been firmly accepted now. And thanks to you, we can get to grips with what is really right and wrong on our controversy-torn continent. There is one thing you can tell to President Putin over there in his sumptuous palace that he is loath to abandon: people's freedom does not start at the ballot box. It does not start at the push of a telephone button. It does not even start at the supermarket checkout. The freedom to choose, which is an important one, whether it be a politician, the next singing sensation or that evening's dinner, is so wide of the mark as to be insulting to 21st century human intelligence. And two of those you try your hardest to rig. The fact is, it starts in our heads and in our hearts. And when leaders of pressure groups, religious organisations and political parties try to lobby for the censorship of what you can and cannot see/do/think/feel, it can only create a huge storm in our society as to make the tectonic plates of opinion and philosophy rub so hard against each other as to cause an irreparable continental divide so powerful, it will take a war to put it together again.
And that is what happened last night.
But this war will not be not a cold war. It is not any particular temperature at all. We had the War of Jenkins' Ear, well this will be the War of Conchita's Song, and it will not be fought on any battlefield with any military hardware at all. This will be fought on computer keyboards, smartphone tapscreens and tablets all over the world. It is a war against immorality. 21st-century immorality. I am totally convinced that the word "morality" has fundamentally changed in meaning. It no longer just stands for that Judaeo-Roman ideal of patriarch-dominated heterosexual image of society as the "Guide to Family Life" would have us believe. "Morality" is not about believing society will collapse like Sodom and Gomorrah. "Morality" in the 21st century stands for accepting the idea of freedom to be who you want to be, without fear of insult, slander or persecution. It is the freedom to make choices based on your own sexual preference, your own religious belief and your own political stance.
And the war we are fighting is one of 21st-century morality: small-mindedness versus understanding.
I remember, when I was an impressionable young lad back in the nineties, being taken round a busy office building. It was a bit like open day. And I distinctively remember seeing a guy with a beard, hairy neck, a bit of a beer belly and stubby, freckled arms and legs, also fairly hairy. I say legs, because I saw them poking out from under his tartan skirt. A little later, and a long way out of earshot, I discreetly inquired as to that man, and the answer I got changed my opinion about life in oh-so-many different ways: the guide, who was also his boss, said: "if you're ever as good as he is in your job, you can come to work in a bikini if you like." Well I won't, because the weather's bad enough as it is, without me causing driving rain and thunderstorms by showing off my legs and arms. And I am sure way more than half of those who voted for Conchita last night would say the same. But this is where we stand out from the intolerant rabble: we wouldn't dress in a skirt and beard ourselves, but you have our blessing, and we'll damned well defend your right to do it if you want.
So Conchita, I salute you for showing up the amoral people in our society for the small-minded, mealy-mouthed drabs that they are, and I look forward to love-bombing a few of them on your behalf very soon.
See you in Vienna in May 2015!
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Eurovision: time to pull out or throw some out
I promise, this is my final article on the Eastern European Song Contest...
...and the final time I watch it until they change the voting system. OK, the best song always wins, and this was in no doubt tonight, as Serbia's simple act made a change from the usual circus acts we've been witnessing since Dana International. In some ways, Marija Šerifovic's performance was a little like Katrina and the Waves: a solid voice, an anthem which always does well, and the conviction to say who she is without trying to play to the crowd with little gimmicks. But on the other hand, every country in the top ten found its way there through its geographical position and its friends or expats. And this is what gets on my nerves more than anything else.
I was listening to Sir Terry Wogan on BBC1 and I got the feeling he's had enough of it. It's not about the song any more, it's about where you live. The crowd booed each time a neighbourly vote was cast. Russia, who could send Vlad Putin's cleaning lady along, will always get maximums from it's neighbours, to some of their inhabitants' great shame. The Baltics have up to 40% Russian expats, and there's nothing more those expats like than embarrassing their host countries' indigenous population.
I don't mind a little light patriotism, but blatant vote-rigging is definitely out. I agree that Marija Šerifovic's song was a worthy victory, and Ukraine genuinely deserved high scores, but honestly - does anyone believe that Russia, Belarus and Turkey should have been in the top six? I am from the UK, so I'm guaranteed to see my country in the final anyway, but I'm just disappointed that countries like Denmark, Switzerland, Andorra and Poland didn't make it to the final because of the alliances throughout Europe. OK, there are alliances in western Europe too, like Malta, Ireland and the UK, or Germany, Austria, the Netherlands and Turkey, the Scandinavians or the Iberians, but it's disappointing when so many good songs don't get far because of block voting.
Anyway, here's what I would do from now on:
No more semi-finals, where the original members can get humiliated. Let's have regional song contests (possibly by jury), with the top 6 going through to the final. I would do it along these lines, keeping some together and splitting some up:
Belarus, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, Armenia, Georgia, Turkey, Israel, Bulgaria, Serbia, FYR Macedonia, Montenegro
Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Denmark, Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, Poland, Czech Republic
Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Switzerland, Austria, Romania, Portugal, Malta, Cyprus, Greece, Andorra
Let them all battle it out amongst each other - they wouldn't be so friendly then, would they? Then in the final only those countries which qualified can vote individually with a double-pointer for a block vote of all those who didn't make it.
Germany, France, the UK and Spain automatically go to the final as they pay for the event. And here lies the irony - the subsidisers of the whole thing consistently get left out in the cold because of the huge block voting. It only takes one of those broadcasters to say "OK, we've had enough", and the whole thing will be in trouble. Maybe Russian TV should now do its part and become a major sponsor, seeing as it's the one with the most points accumulated since the decade started.
Another thing I noticed, which I felt was unfair, was some acts were miming. If they weren't then there was some serious time difference between the mouths opening and the voices reaching us...
Either change the voting system or watch the quick demise of this great European institution.
Final scores (notice the ones in bold and underlined):
Serbia 268
Ukraine 235
Russia 207
Turkey 163
Bulgaria 157 (how?!)
Belarus 145
Greece 139
Armenia 138
Hungary 128
Moldova 109
Bosnia/Herzegovina 106
Georgia 97
Romania 84
Macedonia 73
Slovenia 66
Latvia 54
Finland 53
Sweden 51
Germany 49
Spain 43
Lithuania 28
France 19
United Kingdom 19
Ireland 5
...and the final time I watch it until they change the voting system. OK, the best song always wins, and this was in no doubt tonight, as Serbia's simple act made a change from the usual circus acts we've been witnessing since Dana International. In some ways, Marija Šerifovic's performance was a little like Katrina and the Waves: a solid voice, an anthem which always does well, and the conviction to say who she is without trying to play to the crowd with little gimmicks. But on the other hand, every country in the top ten found its way there through its geographical position and its friends or expats. And this is what gets on my nerves more than anything else.
I was listening to Sir Terry Wogan on BBC1 and I got the feeling he's had enough of it. It's not about the song any more, it's about where you live. The crowd booed each time a neighbourly vote was cast. Russia, who could send Vlad Putin's cleaning lady along, will always get maximums from it's neighbours, to some of their inhabitants' great shame. The Baltics have up to 40% Russian expats, and there's nothing more those expats like than embarrassing their host countries' indigenous population.
I don't mind a little light patriotism, but blatant vote-rigging is definitely out. I agree that Marija Šerifovic's song was a worthy victory, and Ukraine genuinely deserved high scores, but honestly - does anyone believe that Russia, Belarus and Turkey should have been in the top six? I am from the UK, so I'm guaranteed to see my country in the final anyway, but I'm just disappointed that countries like Denmark, Switzerland, Andorra and Poland didn't make it to the final because of the alliances throughout Europe. OK, there are alliances in western Europe too, like Malta, Ireland and the UK, or Germany, Austria, the Netherlands and Turkey, the Scandinavians or the Iberians, but it's disappointing when so many good songs don't get far because of block voting.
Anyway, here's what I would do from now on:
No more semi-finals, where the original members can get humiliated. Let's have regional song contests (possibly by jury), with the top 6 going through to the final. I would do it along these lines, keeping some together and splitting some up:
Belarus, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, Armenia, Georgia, Turkey, Israel, Bulgaria, Serbia, FYR Macedonia, Montenegro
Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Denmark, Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, Poland, Czech Republic
Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Switzerland, Austria, Romania, Portugal, Malta, Cyprus, Greece, Andorra
Let them all battle it out amongst each other - they wouldn't be so friendly then, would they? Then in the final only those countries which qualified can vote individually with a double-pointer for a block vote of all those who didn't make it.
Germany, France, the UK and Spain automatically go to the final as they pay for the event. And here lies the irony - the subsidisers of the whole thing consistently get left out in the cold because of the huge block voting. It only takes one of those broadcasters to say "OK, we've had enough", and the whole thing will be in trouble. Maybe Russian TV should now do its part and become a major sponsor, seeing as it's the one with the most points accumulated since the decade started.
Another thing I noticed, which I felt was unfair, was some acts were miming. If they weren't then there was some serious time difference between the mouths opening and the voices reaching us...
Either change the voting system or watch the quick demise of this great European institution.
Final scores (notice the ones in bold and underlined):
Serbia 268
Ukraine 235
Russia 207
Turkey 163
Bulgaria 157 (how?!)
Belarus 145
Greece 139
Armenia 138
Hungary 128
Moldova 109
Bosnia/Herzegovina 106
Georgia 97
Romania 84
Macedonia 73
Slovenia 66
Latvia 54
Finland 53
Sweden 51
Germany 49
Spain 43
Lithuania 28
France 19
United Kingdom 19
Ireland 5
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Eurovision: final predictions
I've calmed down a bit since my last article, but I'm still not going to pass final judgement until later this evening, when the winner is finally announced. Anyway, I wanted to at least provide my predictions, considering I've been right about the eventual winner since 1997. Modesty apart, of course... Admittedly, it depends on the performance (and camera angles) on the night, but generally beforehand there are several telltale signs. My senses are immediately attracted to the quality of the songs in the middle-end of the draw:
Starting with Sweden's The Ark, singin "The Worrying Kind", another Euro-Scandi-Cliché of the blandest order, I think it kicks off the section where the winner will sprout from, simply because the following songs and the order they're in will either make the viewer slowly wish to switch off or prepare the viewer for what's to come. After that, Les Fatals Picards, France's best chance for decades, singing "L'amour à la Française", even breaking with tradition and singing partly in English, will appeal to a lot of the madder ones out there.
However, then the area most likely to produce a winner begins - Latvia's wonderful "Questa Notte", a romantic neo-classical number with a great deal of charm and sophistication. Following them there's Russia's sassy Serebro, with "Song #1", which of course will do well, firstly because the Russian diaspora vote will guarantee them a handful of 8, 10 and 12-pointers, especially from the Baltic countries, Belarus, Ukraine and probably Bulgaria, and secondly because they're t.A.T.u. in disguise, and a lot more sophisticated.
Following on Russia's coattails is Germany. Roger Cicero's "Frauen Regier'n Die Welt" is another typically original German entry. Germany has nearly always received a vote from me because they put out such original numbers, but nobody gives them enough credit. Last year's country & western song by Texas Lightning only got them to 14th spot. Three years ago Max's "Can't Wait Until Tonight" managed them a creditable 8th position. In 2000, "Wadde Hadde Duda Da" (yes, that WAS the title) by Stefan Raab, who is still very popular in Germany, came 5th and the year before in Israel, "Journey To Jerusalem" came 3rd. Guildo Horn's "Guildo Hat Euch Lieb", with his manic act, came 7th in Birmingham in 1998. All-in-all, quite a lot of good finishes, but never the Big One. Well, this year, Roger Cicero has a belter of a song and I hope he gets a top-5 finish.
I don't think he'll win, because up next is "Molitva", by Marija Šerifovic, is a simple song, sung by a simple woman in ordinary clothes, but it is, like every year, another wondersong from Serbia. Definitely top-5 if sung well. But even SHE might not win, because the following song is Ukraine's Verka Serduchka, with "Dancing Lasha Tumbai", which sounds like "Russia Goodbye", and might be a subliminal message, but the song is so awfully kitsch, that such in-your-face nonsense is surely going to go high.
Out of the Big Four, the UK's group of pseudo-kitsch trolley dollies, pretending to be cabin crew, will stand out like a piece of horse manure on a dinner table, coming just after Ukraine. Their "Flying The Flag (For You)" won the UK finals when Terry Wogan, God Bless Him, announced the wrong act, which I personally think should have gone through. Maybe he tried to fix it because even HE was embarrassed by it.
A little further on near the end is Bulgaria's "Water", a drum-banging acoustic arrangement which should feature highly.
A special mention goes out to Hungary's Magdi Rúzsa, singing in 8th position. Her delightful "Unsubstantial Blues" is my second-favourite of the night but I don't tip her for the top-5 (but I hope I'm wrong) because she's singing too early, and with all the weirdos and entertainers packed into the 12th to 18th position, I can't see Europe's new short concentration-span viewers remembering back that far. Unfortunately.
Another not-so-special mention goes to Belarus (who will receive top marks from Russia). The boy thinks a lot of himself. He says he looks like Princess Diana, and his act is cool. In my opinion his James Bond act is a great big steaming pile of doodoo and his cheap backing singers, who look like his hair and make-up assistants (and to save a proper costly talent search probably are). I hope his song nosedives. In 3rd position, he's likely to get few heavy scores, but I think he'll still scrape into next year's event without going into the semi-finals. But I hope I'm wrong.
So, summing up, my top 5 are (in no particular order) Russia, Ukraine, Latvia, Serbia and Bulgaria or Georgia. Note the geographical position of these countries. One worry I have is that some of the more original songs will not make it forward far enough to encourage future diversity, simply because of their lack of friends. Anyway, my other slight worry is that one of the tacky rubbishy numbers will win because of the diaspora vote. I hope not, because Eurovision lovers, some of whom I know, are already preparing to boycott the competition if that occurs.
The quality is high this year, very high. The bar has been raised. I just hope it doesn't get knocked off by some witless politics. But the mouth-watering prospect of seeing Lordi present the trophy to Verka Serduchka is making me itchy!
Starting with Sweden's The Ark, singin "The Worrying Kind", another Euro-Scandi-Cliché of the blandest order, I think it kicks off the section where the winner will sprout from, simply because the following songs and the order they're in will either make the viewer slowly wish to switch off or prepare the viewer for what's to come. After that, Les Fatals Picards, France's best chance for decades, singing "L'amour à la Française", even breaking with tradition and singing partly in English, will appeal to a lot of the madder ones out there.
However, then the area most likely to produce a winner begins - Latvia's wonderful "Questa Notte", a romantic neo-classical number with a great deal of charm and sophistication. Following them there's Russia's sassy Serebro, with "Song #1", which of course will do well, firstly because the Russian diaspora vote will guarantee them a handful of 8, 10 and 12-pointers, especially from the Baltic countries, Belarus, Ukraine and probably Bulgaria, and secondly because they're t.A.T.u. in disguise, and a lot more sophisticated.
Following on Russia's coattails is Germany. Roger Cicero's "Frauen Regier'n Die Welt" is another typically original German entry. Germany has nearly always received a vote from me because they put out such original numbers, but nobody gives them enough credit. Last year's country & western song by Texas Lightning only got them to 14th spot. Three years ago Max's "Can't Wait Until Tonight" managed them a creditable 8th position. In 2000, "Wadde Hadde Duda Da" (yes, that WAS the title) by Stefan Raab, who is still very popular in Germany, came 5th and the year before in Israel, "Journey To Jerusalem" came 3rd. Guildo Horn's "Guildo Hat Euch Lieb", with his manic act, came 7th in Birmingham in 1998. All-in-all, quite a lot of good finishes, but never the Big One. Well, this year, Roger Cicero has a belter of a song and I hope he gets a top-5 finish.
I don't think he'll win, because up next is "Molitva", by Marija Šerifovic, is a simple song, sung by a simple woman in ordinary clothes, but it is, like every year, another wondersong from Serbia. Definitely top-5 if sung well. But even SHE might not win, because the following song is Ukraine's Verka Serduchka, with "Dancing Lasha Tumbai", which sounds like "Russia Goodbye", and might be a subliminal message, but the song is so awfully kitsch, that such in-your-face nonsense is surely going to go high.
Out of the Big Four, the UK's group of pseudo-kitsch trolley dollies, pretending to be cabin crew, will stand out like a piece of horse manure on a dinner table, coming just after Ukraine. Their "Flying The Flag (For You)" won the UK finals when Terry Wogan, God Bless Him, announced the wrong act, which I personally think should have gone through. Maybe he tried to fix it because even HE was embarrassed by it.
A little further on near the end is Bulgaria's "Water", a drum-banging acoustic arrangement which should feature highly.
A special mention goes out to Hungary's Magdi Rúzsa, singing in 8th position. Her delightful "Unsubstantial Blues" is my second-favourite of the night but I don't tip her for the top-5 (but I hope I'm wrong) because she's singing too early, and with all the weirdos and entertainers packed into the 12th to 18th position, I can't see Europe's new short concentration-span viewers remembering back that far. Unfortunately.
Another not-so-special mention goes to Belarus (who will receive top marks from Russia). The boy thinks a lot of himself. He says he looks like Princess Diana, and his act is cool. In my opinion his James Bond act is a great big steaming pile of doodoo and his cheap backing singers, who look like his hair and make-up assistants (and to save a proper costly talent search probably are). I hope his song nosedives. In 3rd position, he's likely to get few heavy scores, but I think he'll still scrape into next year's event without going into the semi-finals. But I hope I'm wrong.
So, summing up, my top 5 are (in no particular order) Russia, Ukraine, Latvia, Serbia and Bulgaria or Georgia. Note the geographical position of these countries. One worry I have is that some of the more original songs will not make it forward far enough to encourage future diversity, simply because of their lack of friends. Anyway, my other slight worry is that one of the tacky rubbishy numbers will win because of the diaspora vote. I hope not, because Eurovision lovers, some of whom I know, are already preparing to boycott the competition if that occurs.
The quality is high this year, very high. The bar has been raised. I just hope it doesn't get knocked off by some witless politics. But the mouth-watering prospect of seeing Lordi present the trophy to Verka Serduchka is making me itchy!
Thursday, 10 May 2007
Eurovision: the Warsaw Pact returns
I take it all back. The Eastern-Eurovision Song Contest has replaced the festival of music we all know and love(d).
Musical ability doesn't count when partisan vote-rigging takes precedent above all. Of the ten qualifiers, only Turkey (whose song I really didn't rate at all) is not an ex-socialist or Balkan representative.
Denmark, Israel, Andorra, Poland and the Netherlands deserved at least to qualify in place of the entries from FYR Macedonia, Bulgaria, Turkey, Slovenia and Georgia. The hall also seemed to agree, with a mass booing at the end followed by the quickest emptying of the venue I have ever seen. Normally there's a party afterwards, but the place just evacuated like a fire drill had been announced.
However, considering the rest of the qualifiers, Hungary was for me the most meaningful, Serbia the most deserving and Latvia the best potential. But still New European countries - what about the Old Europe, the founding members? Well Belgium's entry should have had a chance tonight but the cartel won out. France has a chirpy number which stands a chance of getting in the top ten. Germany is a hot favourite, the UK's ditty has no chance and Spain is just another mamma's boy in a vest. Ireland has a good folky number but a little too cliché. Sweden is again typical Scandi-pop and Finland obviously doesn't want to win twice in a row.
Tonight's article is intentionally short as I don't wish to waste my typing on the shocking results announcement I've just witnessed. But for the credibility of the contest, I hope the EBU changes the preliminary voting.
If you split the continent in four so the ex-Soviets, Balkans, Mediterraneans and Old Europeans all had to battle it out for places in the finals, plus reduce voting rights from the non-qualifiers, so their maximum was six points instead of twelve, we might get some more justified results. And they wouldn't be so friendly to each other then, would they? Or if it went back to juries with a 50-50 split with the public vote, we might get rid of some of the nonsensical cartels which have risen up. The Soviet Union has a lot to be responsible for - the amount of expat Russians in European countries means their votes will assure Russia of a top-five finish even if they sent the Cacophonic Barking Stray Dog Chorus of Magnitogorsk.
It's no fun any more - it's political and it's maybe time to dump a few countries. I mean, what's Armenia doing there, in the name of Terry Wogan's toupée? Only EU countries to participate maybe? Never, I'm afraid - not if marketing in Russia and the Balkans would suffer, God forbid.
At least if the best song wins on Saturday, we might have a chance of salvaging its reputation. My money's on Ukraine, Hungary, Serbia or Germany (although unlikely seeing as they don't have a load of expats spread all through Europe).
I'm off to put my Eurovision fan club membership card next to my gas cooker - if it all goes political on Saturday, it's getting roasted.
Musical ability doesn't count when partisan vote-rigging takes precedent above all. Of the ten qualifiers, only Turkey (whose song I really didn't rate at all) is not an ex-socialist or Balkan representative.
Denmark, Israel, Andorra, Poland and the Netherlands deserved at least to qualify in place of the entries from FYR Macedonia, Bulgaria, Turkey, Slovenia and Georgia. The hall also seemed to agree, with a mass booing at the end followed by the quickest emptying of the venue I have ever seen. Normally there's a party afterwards, but the place just evacuated like a fire drill had been announced.
However, considering the rest of the qualifiers, Hungary was for me the most meaningful, Serbia the most deserving and Latvia the best potential. But still New European countries - what about the Old Europe, the founding members? Well Belgium's entry should have had a chance tonight but the cartel won out. France has a chirpy number which stands a chance of getting in the top ten. Germany is a hot favourite, the UK's ditty has no chance and Spain is just another mamma's boy in a vest. Ireland has a good folky number but a little too cliché. Sweden is again typical Scandi-pop and Finland obviously doesn't want to win twice in a row.
Tonight's article is intentionally short as I don't wish to waste my typing on the shocking results announcement I've just witnessed. But for the credibility of the contest, I hope the EBU changes the preliminary voting.
If you split the continent in four so the ex-Soviets, Balkans, Mediterraneans and Old Europeans all had to battle it out for places in the finals, plus reduce voting rights from the non-qualifiers, so their maximum was six points instead of twelve, we might get some more justified results. And they wouldn't be so friendly to each other then, would they? Or if it went back to juries with a 50-50 split with the public vote, we might get rid of some of the nonsensical cartels which have risen up. The Soviet Union has a lot to be responsible for - the amount of expat Russians in European countries means their votes will assure Russia of a top-five finish even if they sent the Cacophonic Barking Stray Dog Chorus of Magnitogorsk.
It's no fun any more - it's political and it's maybe time to dump a few countries. I mean, what's Armenia doing there, in the name of Terry Wogan's toupée? Only EU countries to participate maybe? Never, I'm afraid - not if marketing in Russia and the Balkans would suffer, God forbid.
At least if the best song wins on Saturday, we might have a chance of salvaging its reputation. My money's on Ukraine, Hungary, Serbia or Germany (although unlikely seeing as they don't have a load of expats spread all through Europe).
I'm off to put my Eurovision fan club membership card next to my gas cooker - if it all goes political on Saturday, it's getting roasted.
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
Eurovision: when music becomes political
Eurovision is coming on to a screen near you tomorrow and Saturday for the 52nd time. This show is older than the European Union by two years and has changed just as much. In the beginning in Lugano, Switzerland, it had just fourteen participants. The UK should have made it fifteen, but the BBC was unusually late in its application. The winner was announced without the long scoring system: just read out by the chairman of the jury, Mr Rolf Liebermann. Everyone else was second and the ranking has never been revealed. The year after in the Großer Sendesaal des Hessischen Rundfunks in Frankfurt, juries sat in sealed-off rooms without knowledge of the way others had voted or how the audience had received the song and decided the winner by long-distance (in those days!) telephone call. The scoreboards were changed by hand, using number cards hanging on hooks. The winner was the Dutch song, "Net Als Toen", by Corry Brokken.
The quality of the songs was not particularly high and the event was quite formal and dull, but just as today, not all the winning songs went on to be famous melodies. In 1958 in Hilversum's AVRO studios, a young man called Domenico Medugno sang "Nel blu dipinto di blu", these days known as "Volare", but he came third. He embarrassingly had to sing it twice, once more at the end of the presentations, because some countries had lost transmission during his performance. The winner was André Claveau from France, with a song called "Dors mon amour". "Volare" went on to be copied by many after, including the Gypsy Kings, Frank Zappa, Louis Armstrong, David Bowie and Dean Martin. Until he moved to Italy, the Arsenal supporters used to serenade Patrick Vieira with the melody: "Vieira, oh-oh, Vieira, woh-oh-oh-oh, he comes from Senegal, he plays for Arsenal!"
However, Medugno won an award at the first Grammys and the song's popularity still endured in 2005 when at the 50th anniversary party in Copenhagen, it was voted second favourite entry of all time, but in some ways first, because everyone knew anyway which song was going to win. André Claveau has not been heard of much outside of his native land since. Medugno can be described as the first Eurovision star. Nobody would have his impact until the late 60s, when France Gall (Luxembourg, 1965), Sandie Shaw (UK, 1967) and Lulu (UK, 1969) represented their countries. In 1969, Lulu came joint first with the representatives of Spain, the Netherlands and France. After that, the rules were changed to prevent it ever happening again. The winners, incidentally, had 18 points each, which today would guarantee you a bottom-10 finish.
The seventies brought with them first wins for Ireland with Dana's "All Kinds Of Everything" and the Greek Vicky Leandros, singing for Luxembourg in Edinburgh. Ms Leandros was another international star, although she had been famous even before through Eurovision, coming fourth in 1967 and made shows in Germany, the UK and even in North America. She also made a commercial success of her song, "Après Toi" or "Come What May", selling in a total of seven languages, netting her the accolade of best-selling singer of that year. It was in 1974 in Brighton that Eurovision metamorphosed from a prestigious, yet formal, music competition into a cult show with worldwide following. The band was Abba and the song was "Waterloo". It took the world by storm and made Abba instant heroes. However, Abba's endurance is the one thing which keeps Eurovision going: the contestants' hope that they could follow the same path taken by Benny, Agnetha, Anni-Frid and Björn.
They are the sixth best-selling artists of all time after Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Michael Jackson and have reportedly sold more than 350 million records. Even I have a CD somewhere!
Teach-In ("Ding-a-Dong") and Brotherhood of Man ("Save All Your Kisses For Me") followed them to victory in the two years after, in some ways riding on the fame Abba had brought to the competition. After then it was another few years until another Eurovision great was discovered: Johnny Logan. The Irish crooner was actually born near Melbourne, Australia, but moved to the Republic when he was only three. His father was a famous singer, who had performed in the White House in front of three US Presidents. Johnny Logan won the competition twice as a singer and once as a composer, earning him the title "Mister Eurovision". He was also a panel member for VRT in the 2006 Belgian national selection. He disagreed with the others' choice to represent Belgium and he was proved right, when Kate Ryan, Belgium's entry, although tipped for success, didn't even make the final.
The 1980s also saw other well-known flashes-in-the-pan, like Bucks Fizz (UK, "Making Your Mind Up") and Sandra Kim (Belgium, "J'aime La Vie") but Eurovision's greatest product of that decade won in 1988, a year after Logan's second triumph, with "Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi". Céline Dion was born in Francophone Canada and rose to become one of the world's leading song artists. She has sung at Olympic closing ceremonies, made the music for the Oscar-winning film Titanic, and has a sell-out show in Las Vegas. She used her fame to speak out on issues close to her heart, and is or has been involved with Cystic Fibrosis charities and World Children's Day. Her friend Elton John filled in for her in Las Vegas when she went on sabbatical. Now that's quite a replacement!
The 1990s was the Irish decade. It started with Italian Toto's anthemic "Insieme: 1992" and finished with Sweden's Charlotte Nilsson with "Take Me To Your Heaven". However, in-between, Linda Martin, Niamh Kavanagh, Paul Harrington & Charlie McGettigan and Eimear Quinn won in 1992, 1993, 1994 and 1996 respectively to make four Irish wins in five years, interrupted by Secret Garden's Neo-Classical "Nocturne" from Norway, and even then one of the musicians was Irish. This was the decade which saw the number of participants grow inexorably. In 1992 a united Yugoslavia appeared for the final time. The year after Bosnia-Hercegovina, Croatia and Slovenia all entered separately. It was also the year of the first preliminary competition where some new members competed to make it to the final. In fact, it was these three countries which won the preliminaries. 1993 also provided Eurovision with its smallest-ever location: Millstreet in Ireland. A rich country gentleman offered RTÉ the use of his farm for the competition, as it would save the broadcaster millions - winning for the second time meant hosting costs would harm the broadcaster's programming quality for a whole year. After the fourth win, RTÉ was even offered Belfast as a venue in the UK with the costs picked up by the BBC. It took place in Dublin anyway, but RTÉ took no chances and made sure their song was a no-hoper.
The nineties was a very good decade for Eurovision, in terms of the event's proliferation but also the records it broke, the cultures it modernised and the milestones it surpassed:
Katrina and the Waves made history in 1997 with the record points score of 227, singing "Love Shine A Light", probably the finest performance of recent years, and the following year in Birmingham in front of a record crowd Dana International won for Israel with "Viva La Diva", the first transsexual to enter the competition, once and for all labelling the show as an extravaganza of kitsch. Riverdance brought folk dance to new heights, bringing tradition and popular culture together. 1999 saw the dropping of the national language rule (in my opinion a fatal mistake) but the boldest move was the introduction of televoting.
Televoting has had mixed results. On one hand it takes the emphasis away from juries and gives ordinary people a democratic choice, but on the other it has made a mockery of the political and demographic issues of Europe. You can guarantee that Germany will always give 12 points to Turkey, that the ex-Yugoslavs will scratch each others' backs and Russia will receive near-maximums from the Baltic states, Ukraine and Belarus, where they have large Russian communities. The result is that countries whose songs may have been excellent quality but have few or no alliances of expatriate groups in Europe have no chance of scoring high. Poland, for example, has had some excellent entries over the last few years but has consistently been left behind.
Another side-effect has been the need for a semi-final due to the high amount of countries participating: 37 last year in Athens, Greece. The countries receiving the fewest votes the year before have to enter a preliminary sing-off on the Thursday before the main event, except for the EBU's main sponsor countries, the Big Four (France, Spain, the UK and Germany), who get an automatic pass to the final night. The main problem with this is that the Thursday night singers get to perform, giving them an advantage on the Saturday, as their acts will have already been heard once. Most recent winners have come out of the Thursday night semi-final. The other result of this is that 1998 is likely to be the last time a Big Four country wins until the rules are changed, because despite their patronage being the main reason the festival continues, the public resentment of their participation only on the last night has caused votes to decline. In 2005 all Big Four countries found themselves at the bottom.
One thing I would add to this though is that no matter how much political and tactical voting goes on, the best song has always triumphed, and the new millennium in Stockholm assured us of that: The Olsen Brothers, two middle-aged showmen from Denmark, sang "Fly On The Wings Of Love" to assure us of a new-record crowd in the Parken Stadium in Copenhagen in 2001. Faith was briefly restored that the song, not the act, was the most important element to the show. Although I have to say it was just a break in the trend. Since then, the acts have tended to be just as important to the success of the song.
But folk music and dance has had a great effect on it too. Serbia & Montenegro's entry "Sane Moje" came second in 2004, a haunting folk ballad with a powerful anthem. But the winner that year was Ukraine's warrior princess, Ruslana, with her "Wild Dances", based on her own experiences of Ukrainian folk song and dance. Folk has played the greatest part in recent Eurovision contests, from the initiators, Riverdance, who were only the intermezzo but went on to greater success than most winners, to Urban Trad's second-placed "Sanomi" in 2003, to Elena Paparizou's winning Greek dance instrumental in 2005, to the grandmother of the Moldovan singer banging a drum, also in 2005. Folk music plays a subliminally important part in the hearts and minds of Europeans - seen popularly as outdated, viewers consistently vote for that genre even though they don't realise.
However, 2006 saw a sea-change in the contest, when Finland's first victory came in the form of Lordi's spectacular freak-show "Hard Rock Hallelujah", which won with 292 points, another new record. I was delighted at Lordi's win, as although I don't really like metal, that song brought hard rock to the people. Usually the stage for love songs and colourful kitsch, Eurovision became universal. Lordi has opened up the competition to all kinds of music potential and this year's entries are proof of that. Germany's Roger Cicero's catchy blues number and Latvia's Italian serenade should prove that the endurance of Eurovision will live on through its ever-adapting variety.
New firsts for this year: the Czech Republic and Georgia are joining in, and Montenegro and Serbia have entered independently since their separation.
However, despite the new styles and pioneering performance of Lordi, I believe folk will win once again on the night - look out for Ukraine's catchy earworm "Dancing Lasha Tumbai", a mix of ultra-modern electronic sound and deep-rooted folk with the added Euro-glamour provided by the singer, Verka Serduchka, a... well what can I say? Man dressed in a shiny costume! Serbia's Marija Šerifovic has a powerful ballad with folk traces called "Molitva", and Ireland's Dervish, singing "They Can't Stop The Spring" also have good chances.
However, after all that, I have a funny feeling that Eurovision is once again going to Kiev next year...
The quality of the songs was not particularly high and the event was quite formal and dull, but just as today, not all the winning songs went on to be famous melodies. In 1958 in Hilversum's AVRO studios, a young man called Domenico Medugno sang "Nel blu dipinto di blu", these days known as "Volare", but he came third. He embarrassingly had to sing it twice, once more at the end of the presentations, because some countries had lost transmission during his performance. The winner was André Claveau from France, with a song called "Dors mon amour". "Volare" went on to be copied by many after, including the Gypsy Kings, Frank Zappa, Louis Armstrong, David Bowie and Dean Martin. Until he moved to Italy, the Arsenal supporters used to serenade Patrick Vieira with the melody: "Vieira, oh-oh, Vieira, woh-oh-oh-oh, he comes from Senegal, he plays for Arsenal!"
However, Medugno won an award at the first Grammys and the song's popularity still endured in 2005 when at the 50th anniversary party in Copenhagen, it was voted second favourite entry of all time, but in some ways first, because everyone knew anyway which song was going to win. André Claveau has not been heard of much outside of his native land since. Medugno can be described as the first Eurovision star. Nobody would have his impact until the late 60s, when France Gall (Luxembourg, 1965), Sandie Shaw (UK, 1967) and Lulu (UK, 1969) represented their countries. In 1969, Lulu came joint first with the representatives of Spain, the Netherlands and France. After that, the rules were changed to prevent it ever happening again. The winners, incidentally, had 18 points each, which today would guarantee you a bottom-10 finish.
The seventies brought with them first wins for Ireland with Dana's "All Kinds Of Everything" and the Greek Vicky Leandros, singing for Luxembourg in Edinburgh. Ms Leandros was another international star, although she had been famous even before through Eurovision, coming fourth in 1967 and made shows in Germany, the UK and even in North America. She also made a commercial success of her song, "Après Toi" or "Come What May", selling in a total of seven languages, netting her the accolade of best-selling singer of that year. It was in 1974 in Brighton that Eurovision metamorphosed from a prestigious, yet formal, music competition into a cult show with worldwide following. The band was Abba and the song was "Waterloo". It took the world by storm and made Abba instant heroes. However, Abba's endurance is the one thing which keeps Eurovision going: the contestants' hope that they could follow the same path taken by Benny, Agnetha, Anni-Frid and Björn.
They are the sixth best-selling artists of all time after Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Michael Jackson and have reportedly sold more than 350 million records. Even I have a CD somewhere!
Teach-In ("Ding-a-Dong") and Brotherhood of Man ("Save All Your Kisses For Me") followed them to victory in the two years after, in some ways riding on the fame Abba had brought to the competition. After then it was another few years until another Eurovision great was discovered: Johnny Logan. The Irish crooner was actually born near Melbourne, Australia, but moved to the Republic when he was only three. His father was a famous singer, who had performed in the White House in front of three US Presidents. Johnny Logan won the competition twice as a singer and once as a composer, earning him the title "Mister Eurovision". He was also a panel member for VRT in the 2006 Belgian national selection. He disagreed with the others' choice to represent Belgium and he was proved right, when Kate Ryan, Belgium's entry, although tipped for success, didn't even make the final.
The 1980s also saw other well-known flashes-in-the-pan, like Bucks Fizz (UK, "Making Your Mind Up") and Sandra Kim (Belgium, "J'aime La Vie") but Eurovision's greatest product of that decade won in 1988, a year after Logan's second triumph, with "Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi". Céline Dion was born in Francophone Canada and rose to become one of the world's leading song artists. She has sung at Olympic closing ceremonies, made the music for the Oscar-winning film Titanic, and has a sell-out show in Las Vegas. She used her fame to speak out on issues close to her heart, and is or has been involved with Cystic Fibrosis charities and World Children's Day. Her friend Elton John filled in for her in Las Vegas when she went on sabbatical. Now that's quite a replacement!
The 1990s was the Irish decade. It started with Italian Toto's anthemic "Insieme: 1992" and finished with Sweden's Charlotte Nilsson with "Take Me To Your Heaven". However, in-between, Linda Martin, Niamh Kavanagh, Paul Harrington & Charlie McGettigan and Eimear Quinn won in 1992, 1993, 1994 and 1996 respectively to make four Irish wins in five years, interrupted by Secret Garden's Neo-Classical "Nocturne" from Norway, and even then one of the musicians was Irish. This was the decade which saw the number of participants grow inexorably. In 1992 a united Yugoslavia appeared for the final time. The year after Bosnia-Hercegovina, Croatia and Slovenia all entered separately. It was also the year of the first preliminary competition where some new members competed to make it to the final. In fact, it was these three countries which won the preliminaries. 1993 also provided Eurovision with its smallest-ever location: Millstreet in Ireland. A rich country gentleman offered RTÉ the use of his farm for the competition, as it would save the broadcaster millions - winning for the second time meant hosting costs would harm the broadcaster's programming quality for a whole year. After the fourth win, RTÉ was even offered Belfast as a venue in the UK with the costs picked up by the BBC. It took place in Dublin anyway, but RTÉ took no chances and made sure their song was a no-hoper.
The nineties was a very good decade for Eurovision, in terms of the event's proliferation but also the records it broke, the cultures it modernised and the milestones it surpassed:
Katrina and the Waves made history in 1997 with the record points score of 227, singing "Love Shine A Light", probably the finest performance of recent years, and the following year in Birmingham in front of a record crowd Dana International won for Israel with "Viva La Diva", the first transsexual to enter the competition, once and for all labelling the show as an extravaganza of kitsch. Riverdance brought folk dance to new heights, bringing tradition and popular culture together. 1999 saw the dropping of the national language rule (in my opinion a fatal mistake) but the boldest move was the introduction of televoting.
Televoting has had mixed results. On one hand it takes the emphasis away from juries and gives ordinary people a democratic choice, but on the other it has made a mockery of the political and demographic issues of Europe. You can guarantee that Germany will always give 12 points to Turkey, that the ex-Yugoslavs will scratch each others' backs and Russia will receive near-maximums from the Baltic states, Ukraine and Belarus, where they have large Russian communities. The result is that countries whose songs may have been excellent quality but have few or no alliances of expatriate groups in Europe have no chance of scoring high. Poland, for example, has had some excellent entries over the last few years but has consistently been left behind.
Another side-effect has been the need for a semi-final due to the high amount of countries participating: 37 last year in Athens, Greece. The countries receiving the fewest votes the year before have to enter a preliminary sing-off on the Thursday before the main event, except for the EBU's main sponsor countries, the Big Four (France, Spain, the UK and Germany), who get an automatic pass to the final night. The main problem with this is that the Thursday night singers get to perform, giving them an advantage on the Saturday, as their acts will have already been heard once. Most recent winners have come out of the Thursday night semi-final. The other result of this is that 1998 is likely to be the last time a Big Four country wins until the rules are changed, because despite their patronage being the main reason the festival continues, the public resentment of their participation only on the last night has caused votes to decline. In 2005 all Big Four countries found themselves at the bottom.
One thing I would add to this though is that no matter how much political and tactical voting goes on, the best song has always triumphed, and the new millennium in Stockholm assured us of that: The Olsen Brothers, two middle-aged showmen from Denmark, sang "Fly On The Wings Of Love" to assure us of a new-record crowd in the Parken Stadium in Copenhagen in 2001. Faith was briefly restored that the song, not the act, was the most important element to the show. Although I have to say it was just a break in the trend. Since then, the acts have tended to be just as important to the success of the song.
But folk music and dance has had a great effect on it too. Serbia & Montenegro's entry "Sane Moje" came second in 2004, a haunting folk ballad with a powerful anthem. But the winner that year was Ukraine's warrior princess, Ruslana, with her "Wild Dances", based on her own experiences of Ukrainian folk song and dance. Folk has played the greatest part in recent Eurovision contests, from the initiators, Riverdance, who were only the intermezzo but went on to greater success than most winners, to Urban Trad's second-placed "Sanomi" in 2003, to Elena Paparizou's winning Greek dance instrumental in 2005, to the grandmother of the Moldovan singer banging a drum, also in 2005. Folk music plays a subliminally important part in the hearts and minds of Europeans - seen popularly as outdated, viewers consistently vote for that genre even though they don't realise.
However, 2006 saw a sea-change in the contest, when Finland's first victory came in the form of Lordi's spectacular freak-show "Hard Rock Hallelujah", which won with 292 points, another new record. I was delighted at Lordi's win, as although I don't really like metal, that song brought hard rock to the people. Usually the stage for love songs and colourful kitsch, Eurovision became universal. Lordi has opened up the competition to all kinds of music potential and this year's entries are proof of that. Germany's Roger Cicero's catchy blues number and Latvia's Italian serenade should prove that the endurance of Eurovision will live on through its ever-adapting variety.
New firsts for this year: the Czech Republic and Georgia are joining in, and Montenegro and Serbia have entered independently since their separation.
However, despite the new styles and pioneering performance of Lordi, I believe folk will win once again on the night - look out for Ukraine's catchy earworm "Dancing Lasha Tumbai", a mix of ultra-modern electronic sound and deep-rooted folk with the added Euro-glamour provided by the singer, Verka Serduchka, a... well what can I say? Man dressed in a shiny costume! Serbia's Marija Šerifovic has a powerful ballad with folk traces called "Molitva", and Ireland's Dervish, singing "They Can't Stop The Spring" also have good chances.
However, after all that, I have a funny feeling that Eurovision is once again going to Kiev next year...
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